


We Break the Dead Calm

by Twinklylightseverywhere



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Graphic Depictions of Illness, HIV/AIDS, M/M, Major Illness, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, falling in love via ouija board, ghost!isak, graphic description of violence, i mean thats pretty upfront he dead thats the premise of the story, mentions of bipolar disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:38:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14216337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinklylightseverywhere/pseuds/Twinklylightseverywhere
Summary: When Even puts his fingers on the planchette, he feels stupid, but he speaks up anyways.“Uh.” He stumbles a little, clearing his throat. “Is there anyone in this room that would like to speak with me?”"Yes"Or; the one where Isak and Even fall in love, one letter at a time.





	1. A Quiet Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I am back with a fic that came to me in a sudden inspiration. I've been so excited to post this, that I don't have anything pre-written whoops.  
> Also a special thanks to my peep [Wyo](http://julian-dahl.tumblr.com/), who listened to my ramblings and helped me plan out this fic! I love you friendo <3  
> All I ask for is a little bit of patience as I navigate through the last little stretch of my semester!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy, and come join me on this journey!
> 
> Title comes from Dauðalogn by Sigur Ros (or rather, the english translation of it)

The dust settles in the air, thick, heavy, and stifling.

Even sets the final box down into his new bedroom, breathing in the musty air with half-hearted gulps.

It feels strange, settling into a new home after no one having lived in it for almost twenty years. Perhaps that’s the charm of it, at least, that’s what Even’s told his parents after hearing some of their initial concerns.

 _“Don’t you want something more modern, Even?”_ his mamma had said, the night when everything in Even’s life had finally settled down.

 _“We could even get a renovated house, and give you the en-suite?”_ his father had suggested, wrapping his arm loosely around the back of Even’s chair.

Even had rejected both of the ideas, despite how tempting they both sounded. Even didn’t want modern, he wanted something comfortable. He wanted a place to heal, to grow, and to snuggle up on a cold winter’s night and listen to calm pitter-patter of the rain against his window.

This house offered the perfect solution.

It was strangely cheap, considering the size of it. The three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and the slightly outdated, mint condition tiles on the kitchen floor called his name like a canary, singing to him in sweet, comforting tones. It was something about this house, perhaps the rustic charm of it, hidden in plain sights on the outskirts of such a modern city, that did it for Even.

Now that he’s here, he still feels the warmth, however, it’s clouded with something a little more sombre. Even can deal with the dust. He can simply wipe down the wooden wardrobes and tables, and open the window to air the room out. However, he cannot shake the feeling of this room. It’s dead quiet, calm, and the faded blue walls feel as if they’re closing in on him, suffocating him with their melancholy.

Even sighs, and treads towards the window to open it up. The latch gets stuck for a second, but it gives, and swings open. Even breathes in the crisp Norwegian air, not even caring that he’s going to be a little too cold tonight when he’s trying to sleep.

 

And cold he is.

 

_He’s melting into the bed. It’s comfortable, and familiar, and yet, the room feels hostile. Even wants to leave, but he cannot move. This is not sleep paralysis. This feels even worse, perhaps. His lungs are slowly but surely caving into his chest, ripping through his internal organs, burning through his skin like hydrochloric acid. He coughs, but the sound is barely audible, because his lungs are on fire. His stomach churns, his head spins. He wants to cry for help, but somehow, he knows that even if he tried, no one would come and rescue him. Instead, he stares up at the ceiling, at the fading blue walls, and wishes that he could see the stars one last time. Because everything hurts so much, and Even knows that this is it- this is the end. He is simply in too much pain, the black spots dancing in and out of his vision, speckled on the ceiling._

_It’s when his vision is almost completely black that he tries to fight, tries to move. However, someone is holding his shoulders down, pushing him into the bed. Even lets out a silent scream of pain, and he surrenders to the firm hands, slowly crunching the bones of his frail shoulders, his vision going black completely._

_And then, nothing._

When Even wakes up, there are tears streaming down his eyes. He wrenches upright, finding that there are no hands holding him down, and cries out into the darkness of his room.

Even wrenches the cover off his sweaty body, and yanks the rusty old window open again, taking in large gulps of fresh air.

That was too real.

Even’s felt like this before, but he has never experienced anything like that before. He knew that the blackness would take over his vision as he lied there, slowly dying on the bathroom floor. What he didn’t know, however was that the pain would follow him. Even didn’t know, because he never got to that point.

Slowly, but surely, the tears and sobs subside, just in time for Even’s door to creak open.

Even turns around, and faces the darkness of his room. The door is wide open, and yet, there is no one there.

He feels sad, and confused, yes, but he is not scared. He hasn’t been scared even once ever since he entered this house. Maybe, though, he should invite the boys over. He has a feeling that this feeling won’t leave his bones until the mood is lightened a little bit.

  
  


**To: Guttaaaaa (09:27)**

**_Even:_ **

_Hei boys! Anyone wanna come join me in breaking in this new room?_

**_Mutta:_ **

_Evennnnn!_

 

**_Elias:_ **

_Hell yeah dude_

 

**_Even:_ **

_Come over this afternoon? Ive got enough jay for all of us and ive finally got the window un-stuck so now we can actually smoke it_

 

**_Mikael:_ **

_Oh, Even…_

 

**_Even:_ **

_Shut up, i dont think it had been open in like twenty years_

 

**_Adam:_ **

_Yessssss! Does this mean that we’ll meet all the poltergeists in Even’s dreary-ass ghost house?_

 

**_Even:_ **

_Suck my dick adam_

 

**_Adam:_ **

_;)_

 

**_Even:_ **

_;)_

 

**_Yousef:_ **

_You guys are ridiculous. Count me in._

 

When Even lights up the first joint with practiced ease and nimble finger tips, watching the flame dance in front of his eyes. The smoke trails up towards the ceiling in a wispy line, clouding Even’s line of vision.

The boys are all there, watching the joint with hungry eyes. Even takes the first drag, quickly, and then, breathing the smoke into his lungs, holds the joint out for someone else to take a drag. They all reach out, but it’s Elias who gets to the finish line first, breathing in the smoke greedily. Even chuckles as he breathes out his own smoke, settling back against the headboard of his bed in order to observe his friends.

They really are good people. Truly. Sure, they smoke a little too much weed, and encourage Even to do the same, which doesn’t work very well in conjunction with his medication, but that doesn’t matter. No matter what they do together, the sentiments will always remain the same.

The love, the fierce protectiveness, branded into each and every one of them since the day they met in primary school, lingers with every gentle brush of the fingers as they pass the joint back and forth. Even’s room, despite the window being open, becomes hazy within minutes, fogging his brain. It’s the good kind of fog, though. The kind of fog that allows Even to sink into his bed and float, and perhaps even float of a different plane of consciousness. Even’s done a lot of stupid shit when he’s high, and honestly, he wouldn’t put floating into a different realm below him.

Or he would float into a different realm, if it weren’t for Adam’s voice bringing him back to reality.

“Even!” he says, smoke blowing out of his mouth, and passing the joint to his left, where Mikael takes it from him. “Did you even hear that I just said?”

“Uh,” Even mumbles, wracking his weed-slow brain. “No, sorry.”

“Oj!” Elias shouts, reaching across the little makeshift circle full of teenage boy that they’ve created on Even’s bed to give him a gentle push of the shoulder. “Someone’s gettin’ a little too stoned over here!”

The boys laugh, but even they cannot deny the slight delays in their reactions. No matter what though, Even knows that they’re just joking.

“Whatever,” Even retorts, flashing Elias a lazy grin. “What did you say, Adam?”

“What I was _saying,”_ Adam replies, sharing one of his ever-allusive secret smiles with Mikael, like they always do. “Was if you’ve experienced any, uh, _other-worldly_ experiences since moving here?”

“For the last time, Adam!” Yousef sighs, rolling his eyes, probably the least high out of everyone. “Even’s house isn’t haunted just because it’s old!”

“It could!” Mikael cuts in, waving the joint around wildly. “You never know with these old properties.”

“Besides,” Mutta adds, taking the joint from Mikael, and Even sighs in relief as the ashes aren’t being flicked all around his bed anymore. “Doesn’t Vilde say that Even attracts spirits?”

“Sana’s Vilde?” Elias wonders. He waits for Mutta to finish taking his drag before reaching up and plucking it right out of his hands.

“Yeah, Sana’s Vilde!” Mutta replies, blowing out his breath of smoke “Apparently she’s really into astrology, or something.”

“Isn’t astrology having to do with like, Zodiac signs or something?” Even asks, unable to keep the amused grin off his face.

“I think you’re right,” Yousef chuckles, rolling his eyes without a hint of malice in his eyes. “Besides, Sana says that all that spirit stuff is bullshit anyways.”

“You’d know exactly what Sana says,” Even teases, winking at his best friend, while Elias lets out a noise of protest next to him.

“Can we not talk about Yousef’s massive crush on my sister, please?” Elias begs, while Yousef begins to protest, only to be interrupted by Adam again.

“Wait a second!” he exclaims, effectively shutting up the inevitable banter between Elias and Yousef. “Why don’t we test it?”

“What do you mean?” Even wonders, only half-heartedly. After all, he’d definitely know if there was a fucking poltergeist in his house.

“Let’s make a Ouija board,” Adam exclaims, turning around for a second, and grabbing the empty box of Halal pizza that they had devoured not even half an hour ago.

“Are you gonna order pizza?” Mikael giggles, and Even can’t even find it in himself to laugh at that terrible joke.

“A Ouija board?” Even repeats, sitting up a little straighter. “Aren’t those like, super dangerous, or something?”

“You scared?” Adam teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No,” Even replies truthfully, because he hasn’t felt scared at all since moving here. “But that’s like my mom’s number one rule; don’t fuck with Ouija boards.”

“We’ll pray for you,” Mikael reassures, his voice soft, the teasing tones from before completely gone. “Nothing can hurt you if we’re protecting you.”

“Thanks, bud,” Even smiles, reaching up to massage Mikael’s shoulder gently, reassuringly.

“Yousef?” Adam asks, turning back to their other friend, who is watching the scene in front of him with something akin to amusement mixed in his expression.

“Why not,” Yousef replies, shrugging his shoulders. “I’ve done worse stuff with you guys.”

“That’s the spirit!” Adam laughs, reaching out to bump fists with Yousef, who does so with a sheepish grin on his face. “Mutta?”

“Hell yeah!” Mutta replies, breathing the last of the lit joint, before standing up and heading over to the window to put it out. “We’re gonna talk to ghosts and shit! Fucking rad!”

“Elias?”

Elias sighs, and then turns to Yousef, who simply shrugs.

“Alright,” Elias says, rolling his eyes, as if he’d had to think about it really hard. “But don’t you dare tell my mom that we’re doing this!”

 

Five minutes and two pizza boxes (Adam left out a letter when he was writing out the alphabet) later, they have their own makeshift Ouija board, complete with a little planchette fashioned out of the “Hal” of the “Halal” from the logo of the box.

They sit on Even’s floor now so that they can have a more sturdy surface to “talk to the other world”, and now, Even has absolutely no idea what to do.

“What now?” he asks, looking up at Adam for guidance, as if Adam hadn’t just fucked up on the alphabet, and then had to google how to make a Ouija board.

“I guess we just ask if anyone wants to talk,” Adam replies, suddenly looking a lot less sure and little more scared. “And then we put two fingers on the planchette, and wait for it to move?”

“As if it’s going to move,” Yousef snorts, but he still motions for them to put their fingers on the tiny little cardboard piece.

Even places his index and middle finger lightly on the planchette, making sure to save enough room for his friends to do the same.

“Aright, uh,” Adam announces, letting out the smallest of giggles as he does so. “Are there any spirits here who would like to talk to us?”

Mikael giggles along with him, and Even can’t help but join in, when the planchette doesn’t move an inch.

“It’s not moving,” Elias remarks, and Even rolls his eyes.

“No shit, dude,” Even retorts, chuckling as Elias sticks his tongue out in bratty retaliation.

“Maybe it’s shy?” Mutta wonders, and he’s actually the only person in the room wearing an intense gaze on concentration.

“Or there’s nothing there,” Yousef replies, not unkindly, albeit teasingly.

“No wait!” Mikael exclaims, taking his hand off the planchette and standing up. Even and the boys train their gazes up at him.

“Even,” Mikael continues, and he begins to pace around the room a little, taking in his surroundings. “Has anything weird happened to you while you’ve been here? You did seem a bit on edge when you answered the door today.”

“Uh,” Even replies, taking his own fingers off the planchette. “I just had a weird dream last night is all. I was just a little shaken.”

“Has this ever happened before?” Elias asks, furrowing his brows in concern. The boys know about Even’s extensive past with weird dreams, especially ever since he started smoking.

“No,” Even shakes his head, and he shivers a little bit, but he isn’t cold. “The dream happened in this room, anyways. I couldn’t have had it before.”

“Maybe there is something about this house, then,” Mikael replies, wearing the same look of concentration that all the other boys are. “I’m not saying that there’s a poltergeist or anything, but there’s a certain energy to this room.”

“You’re such a clairvoyant, Mik,” Yousef says, and despite his sarcasm, he is not being mean. He couldn’t be, because he looks just as invested in this as everyone else.

“Maybe you should speak to it,” Adam suggests, motioning back to the abandoned board lying between them. “We’ll try it again, but only Even speaks. Then, if we make contact, we can ask questions.”

“Yeah,” Mikael says, but it’s more of an afterthought than a statement. He sits back down next to Even, and puts his fingers back on the board, motioning with his free hand for the others to do the same.

When Even puts his fingers on the planchette, he feels stupid, but he speaks up anyways.

“Uh.” He stumbles a little, clearing his throat. “Is there anyone in this room that would like to speak with me?”

Even likes to think he’s seen it all. He’s seen his mother and father cry at the foot on his hospital bed. He’s seen the Northern Lights whenever he goes up North to ski. He’s seen puppies being born. Nothing compares to this.

 

_Yes_

 

The planchette moves slowly, almost as if someone is barely putting their weight onto it.

“Who the fuck moved that?” Even asks, and he’s expecting someone to fess up right away. Typically, whenever they tease each other, it is not malicious, and they certainly can’t do pranks on each other without bursting into laughter.

When he looks into their eyes, each and every one of them, no one is laughing.

Mutta looks mystified. Adam and Mikael exchange glances, both something akin to fear. Yousef is looking at the board in disbelief. Elias meets Even’s eyes and shakes his head, his brown eyes wide open and honest.

No one is fucking around.

“What’s your name?” Even asks, his voice shaky.

 

_I-S_

 

The planchette stops on the S, and does not move anymore.

“Your name is Is?” Mutta asks, finally having broken out of his stupor.

 

_Yes_

 

“Hi, Is,” Adam jumps in, his voice nothing short of wonder. “Is it okay if we ask you some questions?”

The planchette does not move from _yes,_ so Even figures they’re all in the clear.

“I guess you got your spirit, Adam,” Even says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Go ahead and ask all your burning questions.”

“How old are you?” Adam asks, looking up at Even with inquisitive eyes.

 

_17_

 

And what the fuck.

“You died when you were seventeen?” Mikael blurts, and then visibly cringes.

To Even’s surprise, the planchette moves again.

 

_Yes_

 

“Uh, sorry dude,” Mikael says, and then pauses. “Wait, are you a girl or a boy?”

 

_G-U-T-T_

 

“Good thing you didn’t misgender a ghost,” Elias deadpans, and Even giggles, not only because it’s funny, but because his entire world has just been shifted on its axis.

 

_H-A-H-A_

 

Mutta lets out a peal of laughter as the letters are revealed. Even can’t help but laugh along, because what are the chances that he would have talked to a ghost with a sense of humour?

“This guy is awesome!” Mutta exclaims, and as the rest of the boys let out various noises of agreement, Even feels it. The entire mood of the room has been lifted.

“Did you grow up in Oslo?” Yousef asks, finally deciding to have stopped his teasing in order to join in the conversation.

 

_Yes_

 

Even’s about to ask another question, because he is genuinely intrigued in this, uh, _entity’s,_ life, when the planchette moves again.

 

_H-O-M-E_

 

“This was your home?” Even asks, before anyone else can. “You lived in Oslo and you grew up in this house?”

 

_Yes_

 

“I fucking called it!” Adam exclaims, lifting his hand off the planchette momentarily in order to whoop his fist in the air.

“Shush, Adam,” Elias scolds, and Adam frowns, placing his fingers back in their original position. “When were you born?”

 

_7-8_

 

“78?” Yousef repeats to himself, furrowing his brows in concentration. “You were born in 1978, okay.”

The mood drops again.

Even thinks that all of the boys can feel it, the way the room shifts. It’s as if the colours have lost their vibrancy, and instead, have begun to fade into walls.

“So that means that you died in,” Mikael stops for a second, counting under his breath. “1995?”

 

_Yes_

 

“Shit,” Even breathes out, letting that sink in for a second.

“That’s fucking awful,” Elias says, genuine and empathetic. “I’m sorry, man.”

 

_C-H-I-L-L_

 

The boys let out simultaneous breaths of laughter.

“Can I ask how you died?” Yousef asks, biting his lip hesitantly. “You just died so young, I don’t understand.”

 

_No_

 

This time, the planchette doesn’t inch over lightly like it had been doing. It doesn’t even gain strength as it glides along the board, feeding off the positive energy from the boys in the room. This time, it’s a hard and heavy, weighing Even’s down. He is Atlas, holding the world upon his shoulders.

“Fuck,” Even breathes, and judging by the nods of his friends, they feel it too.

“I’m sorry, Is,” Yousef says, suddenly desperate, and it’s almost as if he’s asking for permission to throw the globe from his hands, and be forever done with it. “That was insensitive.”

 

_O-K-A-Y_

 

“It’s okay?” Mutta asks in disbelief, because the colours of the room are so bleak, they’re almost completely void.

“Yeah, we’re sorry,” Mikael adds, his eyes wide and sad. “I guess we don’t know much about death, us living people, and so we’re shocked whenever someone talks about it.”

“I think I know,” Even murmurs under his breath, before he can help himself. Beside him, Yousef lets out a noise of distress. Even meets his eyes, and they’re filled with so much sorrow, it almost makes him want to cry.

“Sorry,” Even whispers, privately.

“It’s okay,” Yousef replies, just as quiet, nudging their shoulders together gently.

“Can we lighten the mood?” Mutta asks, letting out a nervous chuckle. “I feel like it’ll be good for us and our new buddy over here.”

“Please,” Elias says, looking around the circle. “How ‘bout a nice little joke to liven up the party?”

“I think I have a better idea,” Adam says, suddenly grinning wide and mischievous. Even doesn’t trust that grin.

“Oh no,” Even says, vocalizing his anguish, caused by his ridiculous friends.

“Oh, yes!” Adam replies, quick and sharp-witted. “Is, you see, we have a bit of a dilemma here. See, our friend, Even, otherwise known as the only white person in this room, is fresh out of a relationship and ready to get back out there again. You think he has a good chance of finding someone?”

“Adam, what the fuck?” Even whines, but he is shushed.

“I want to see his answer!” Elias replies, peering forward as the planchette begins to move again.

 

_Yes_

 

“See, Even!” Mikael laughs, throwing his head back. “We all think you should get back out there, including our new little ghostie friend over here.”

“You guys are a menace,” Even mumbles, and for some reason, he feels his face going red.

He’s typically a fairly confident guy when it comes to dating, but perhaps it’s something about his room that’s doing something different.

“We’re just helping you out!” Elias replies, his grin wide and uninhibited. “And you’re pan, so that’s like, twice the playing field.”

Both Even and Mikael, who in fact, are pansexual, roll their eyes at each other.

Before either of them can reply, however, the planchette moves.

 

_W-H-A-T-I-S-P-A-N_

 

“What is pan?” Mikael repeats, and then he laughs once again. “Me and Even will explain it, because it seems Elias doesn’t seem to understand it either.”

“Don’t worry, Is,” Even chuckles, while Elias opens his mouth in protest, only to be shot down by Yousef, who glares at him. “Pan is short for pansexual, which means that we feel attraction to people regardless of gender.”

 

_G-A-Y_

 

The movements across the board are quick and light. Even feels something in his chest bloom, but he can’t quite put a name on it yet.

“Did you just call me gay?” Mikael asks, frowning. “Gay and pansexual aren’t the same thing-”

“I think what he’s trying to say is that _he’s_ gay,” Even interrupts, before Mikael can go on one of his many rants about heteronormativity. “Is that right, Is?”

 

_Yes_

 

“Aw!” Mutta exclaims, and Even can’t help a grin of his own. “Thank you for telling us, Is!”

“Oh,” Mikael says, any remnants of his frown completely gone. “Sorry, dude. That’s awesome, though!”

“Wait,” Adam interrupts, the grin spreading once more. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

“What do you think it means?” Even sighs, exasperated.

“Is,” Adam starts, turning his attention back to the board. “What do you think about Even?”

“Adam!” Even hisses, cursing all of his friends who are openly laughing at this point.

“Watch!” Yousef exclaims, pointing down to the board with his free hand. For being such a “rational guy”, he sure is invested in this. Even will make sure to give him shit about this later on.

As a word begins to spell out, Even forgets all of his spite.

 

_C-U-T-E_

 

If there was a noise that could describe the squeak that Even lets out, it would be something akin to a dog whistle.

“Oh my god!” Mikael exclaims, his cheeks flushed from smiling so much. “This is so adorable, holy shit.”

Holy shit indeed. If Even knew that he was going to be hit on by a ghost today, he would’ve prepared himself. Instead, however, he is completely taken aback. And judging by how warm his face is, the blood in his veins is surprised as well.

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon laughing and joking, until the Elias has to head home for his mother's dinner, and so they call it quits. When they say goodbye to their new friend, Even can’t help but wonder.

He has so many questions that he wants to ask, when the boys are gone. This connection, to Is, to this house, there’s something else to it. Something truly fucking magical.

Even only knows one thing for certain; he is not throwing away that fucking board.

 


	2. All Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To put it simply, Even would put up with reliving Isak’s death every single night if it meant getting to talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Idk how I feel about this chapter, bc it's more sort of filler stuff before shit gets real fienjdrkgnr  
> But I'm so incredibly humbled with the positive response that this story has gotten so far! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos, as they really encourage me to keep doing what I'm doing.  
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

Even feels so incredibly stupid.

To anyone else, that is. He’s sat on his bed, the sunlight pouring in from the open window illuminating the dull brown cardboard that is perched upon it. Even’s fingers rest upon the planchette lightly, unmoving, and he’s almost silently daring for it to move. Of course, Even doesn’t even know if he believes in Is, anyways. He’s definitely considered the fact that this is all one very elaborate joke, orchestrated by his friends who just wanted to give him the confidence to start dating again. However, Even has been able to debunk that theory himself, because seriously. Who in the fuck would ever try to boost their friends confidence by hitting on them using a Ouija board? That’s crazy, even for Even’s standards.

So, maybe this was real. After all, this feeling of still sadness has not left him these past couple days. He doesn’t even really notice it anymore, at least, not when he’s inside the house. However, as soon as he leaves the house for work, he feels the pressure lift off his chest.

It’s as if Even has been underwater this entire time, but has somehow managed to adapt. Everything feels strange in this house, and time seems to pass slower. It’s still, so fucking still, stifling, and yet, Even still feels the pull, almost magnetic.

Something in this house, whether it be Is, or something else, wants Even here. Despite the strange, almost incoherent dreams that Even has been experiencing every single night, which leave him shivering and feeling completely naked when he wakes up, he is not scared. He feels exposure, sure, really fucking exposed. At the same time, however, these moments are not fleeting. They are slow, quiet, and oh so sneaky. Half of the time, Even doesn’t even realise that he is drowning in this house until he breathes in the fresh air from the outside world.

“Is,” Even starts, slowly, oh so slowly. He doesn’t even know if this is going to work. “Are you there?”

At first, it’s slow. It’s so fucking slow that Even thinks it’s him that subconsciously moving the planchette. But then, he feels it again; the heavy pressure on his chest, filling his lungs with a desperate, silent kind of despair. He recognizes it from the first time he’d made contact with Is. And then he realises. This feeling, the sad and quiet slowness of this house, it’s Is.

_E-V-E-N_

Despite the heaviness, Even smiles, because it _worked._

“Hi, Is,” Even murmurs, unable to keep his eyes off the board in front of him. “How are you?”

_G-O-O-D_

“Me too,” Even replies, meaning every single word. “I wanted to talk to you again, without the boys.”

_Yes_

“Yes,” Even repeats, chuckling to himself. “I wanted to ask you a couple questions, if that’s okay?”

When the planchette does not move from _yes,_ Even figures that this is his chance to speak up. And here’s the thing; he knows that he can’t ask Is about how he died. He’d learned his lesson the first time. This was Is’ business, and just because Even’s curious, doesn’t mean that he should pry.

“What is your real name?” he asks instead, opting for lighter conversation. “I mean, I’ve never met anyone named _Is_ before.”

_I-S_

“Is that your full name?”

_No_

“Hm,” Even stops for a second, wracking his brain for a possible solution. “Do you have a hard time spelling it out?”

_T-I-R-E-D_

The planchette moves across the board so fucking slowly. It’s probably taken about a minute to spell out the word, and Even’s heart sinks.

“You’re too tired?” Even guesses, frowning in spite of himself. “But you were doing going so fast last time.”

_S-O-R-R-Y_

Once again, Isak takes so long to spell out the word. If Even’s heart wasn’t broken before, it is now smashed in the corner of the room at Is’ apology.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Even reassures, as gently as he possibly can. “Is there anything that I can do to help? Maybe you could use some of my energy?”

_Yes_

It takes so fucking long to get reach the _yes._

“Okay, uh,” Even stops for a second, wondering how he’s even going to manage this. “You can take whatever you need, I guess.”

It’s sudden this time, the exhaustion. Even wonders if Is did this the first time they’d spoken. With a tired jolt, Even remembers this now, the rollercoaster of emotions that all the boys had felt that day. They weren’t experiencing their own emotions, they were experiencing _Is’._ With the six of them, Even supposes that it was easy to draw energy, and it was easy for all the boys to share the burden. Now however, Even feels the exhaustion seep into his bones. He suddenly feels ohso fragile, like he could simply sink into the bed and never leave. Even wonders if _this_ is what Is felt when he died.

_I-S-A-K_

“Your name is Isak?” Even realises, suddenly sitting upright, almost renewed by energy.

_Yes_

“It’s nice to officially meet you, Isak,” Even replies, the energy thrumming back into his veins. “I’m Even, but I think you already knew that.”

Isak. Even feels like he’s heard the name before, perhaps something akin to déja-vu. Or, perhaps, the name is engrained somewhere deep in his subconscious, despite the fact that Even doesn’t even believe any of that Freudian bullshit. More than likely, it is the fact that he probably _has_ heard the name somewhere before, perhaps in his strange dreams.

“Are you, like, controlling the dreams I’ve been having or something?” Even asks, or rather, blurts out, before he can help himself. He almost backtracks, because even _that_ sounds too ridiculous. And this is coming from someone who has just come to the realization that ghosts are real. Before he can say anything else, however, the planchette begins to move again. This time, there is more energy, however, Even doesn’t feel nearly as drained.

_N-O-T-P-U-R-P-O-S-E_

“Not on purpose?” Even guesses, taking one hand off the planchette to scratch the back of his head quickly. “As in, it was you but you couldn’t stop it?”

_Yes_

“What was it?” Even wonders, and then quickly backpedals. “I mean, only if you want to tell me. I feel like I can kind of guess, but I’d like to hear it from you.”

_F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K_

“A flashback,” Even repeats, furrowing his brows in concentration. “Of your death?”

_Yes_

“Fuck,” Even breathes out, blowing the stray hair that had fallen into his face. “I’m not going to force you to tell me to tell me all about it, but I’ve seen it. Isak, it’s terrible, and I’m so sorry.”

The planchette does not move, but Even can almost hear the message loud and clear. Within the energy of the room, the stable lighting, and the slightly faded colours, Even knows that it is humming at a constant, melancholy frequency. It whispers to him, murmuring and sighing out vibrations of desperation and anguish. This isn’t something that is new. This is the feeling that Even has felt the moment he stepped foot into this room. Isak has been here for a long time, and he knows just how tragic his death was. That probably isn’t what he’s looking for. He can’t be looking for someone to help get over the trauma of his death. He’s looking for a _friend._

It makes Even almost want to cry, because he’s knows what it’s like to be alone. It isn’t a place that he ever wants to go back to. He’s surprised that Isak has even made it this long. Maybe, though, Isak hasn’t had any choice in the matter. At that thought, Even is much closer to crying.

“You know what,” Even begins again, forcing a smile onto his face. “I enjoy your company, and I’d like to get to know you more. Would that be okay?”

_Yes_

“Great,” Even says, attempting to breathe out the last of the negative energy in the room. “I’ll tell you about myself then, how does that sound?”

_G-R-E-A-T_

“Okay, well,” Even starts, racking his brain on, _how to describe yourself to a ghost without being depressing as shit._ “My name is Even Bech Næsheim, I’m nineteen years old, uh… I have blonde hair- wait a second, you can see me, can’t you?”

_Yes_

“Right,” Even says to himself, bracing himself once more. “I, uh, work at Kaffebrenneriet, which is a coffee shop, if you’re not sure what that is… I’m not entirely sure what year they started or like, if you were alive back then or-”

_E-V-E-N_

The planchette moves quickly, effectively cutting Even off from his ramblings. Even looks down at the letters that are being spelled out, and then chuckles a little.

“Yes?”

_C-H-I-L-L_

“Are you telling me to chill?” Even sputters, pretending to be affronted. “I am so chill, I’ll have you know, I’m like, the master of being chill.”

_H-A-H-A_

“Okay, maybe not,” Even admits, giggling uncontrollably. “Maybe you’re right, I don’t know, I just don’t want to like, accidentally offend you or something.”

Beside him, the radio clock, which appears to be ancient, dust settled on top of it, powers to life. Even doesn’t even use the damn thing, however, he hadn’t had the need to move it since moving in. He wonders if maybe that was Isak’s alarm clock.

Even hears static at first, and then, by itself, the channels begin change rapidly.

“Isak,” Even wonders, unsure of where to direct his eye line. “Is that you?”

It’s quick, and definitely coming from the radio.

 _“Yes,”_ says a voice, most likely from a radio show, before the channel changes again.

And okay, _wow,_ that’s really fucking cool. Even supposes that in being ghost for so long, Isak has probably had a lot of time to figure things out.

 _“Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright,”_ the tones of the Beatles come through, staticky as shit, but still audible. _“Alright, alright.”_

And then, as fast as it turned on, the radio shuts off, and Even is left with only the own sound of his laboured breathing.

“Did you just, fucking,” Even pauses to take in another deep breath. “Use the Beatles to tell me to chill out?”

_Yes_

“I like you,” Even decides, letting out a full-bellied laugh. “You’re funny.”

_T-A-K-K_

“Like I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Even continues, laughing again to let Isak know that he’s only joking. “I’m only working right now, I’ve taken the semester off before returning to finish the last of my third year.”

_W-H-Y_

The dreaded question, indeed. Even begins to feel himself clam up, like his insides are being frozen with liquid nitrogen.

“I, uh,” Even mumbles, swallowing in attempts to try and warm the nitrogen up. “Didn’t really have a good time at school last year, I, uh, almost dropped out, but some people have convinced me to finish. Now I’m just, taking some time to myself, I guess.”

 

_W-H-E-R-E_

“I went to Elvebakken, if you’re trying to ask where I went to school,” Even guesses, hoping that he didn't’t get it wrong. Typically, however, Even’s been able to have a pretty good grasp on what Isak means to say, despite saying the least amount of words.

_N-I-S-S-E-N_

“Oh, shit,” Even chuckles, blinking back his surprise. “I’ve been to Nissen before, I’ve got some friends to go there. I’m guessing you went there as well?”

_Yes_

“Except I hadn’t even been born yet,” Even points out. “Because I was born in ‘97.”

_Y-O-U-N-G_

“Hey, you’re only seventeen, so shush.”

~~~~~~~

It’s funny just how easily Even is able to let a ghost into his life.

It feels so natural, talking to Isak. If Even had any shred of dignity left, he daren’t say that it’s almost, _supernatural._

Puns aside, Even can’t believe just how well he is able to understand a ghost. Like, a proper, real-life ghost.

Perhaps it’s the dreams, which give Even possibly the worst, most hyper realistic, insight on possibly the most pain in the world. Isak doesn’t talk about what killed him, and Even isn’t lucid enough in the dreams to understand exactly what’s going on. All he knows, is that Isak didn’t deserve it. Nobody deserves something that horrible.

Not even Even’s suicide attempt was that painful. And now that, was fucking painful. Somehow, however, Isak’s death has managed to take all of Even’s pain, both physical and mental, and increase it tenfold.

But then there’s Isak. Who, in the past couple of days, has managed to make Even’s chest soar. There’s Isak’s quirky sense of humour, which never fail to make Even laugh his ass off. Of course, there’s  his tricks in which he always manages to hack into the old clock radio. Mostly, however, it’s the fact that he is always interested in what Even has to say, even if it’s rambly or boring. Even simply has a lot to say, and a lot of silence to make up for. He wants to give Isak a voice, however, he knows that it is not that simple. Even has a theory, however. He believes that if Isak could speak, he would have a lot to say.

To put it simply, Even would put up with reliving Isak’s death every single night if it meant getting to talk to him.

~~~~~~~

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_Hei Vilde! I was wondering if I could ask you something?_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_Hei Even! Of course you can!_

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_It’s not much, but I think that Elias was telling me that you’re really into spirits and stuff?_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_Oh, yes! It was Sana who got me really into it, actually. Not just because she had so much faith in her religion and everything, but because she told me that apparently I’m really in tune with these sort of things?_

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_Oh cool, I didn’t know Sana was into it either…. I guess I was just wondering what sort of stuff you do, like, if you try to contact spirits or anything?_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_Well, I mean, there was the time that me and the girls went up to Chris’ grandmothers cabin and contacted a spirit haha. But other than that, I guess you can call it more like an instinctual thing? Like, I know that there is something there that may not be from this realm, it’s just sort of an energy around certain people that tips me off. Like, I was telling Sana the other day that I sensed something like that from you… I’m thinking maybe that you have a spirit attached to you or something? Please don’t take that as creepy or wrong in any way, because I know that it’s a positive spirit._

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_You know, I think it’s funny that you mention that, because that’s what I was going to ask you about. I have a spirit living in my new house, and I think it’s really sad… I was wondering if you had any tips for me?_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_Yes! I knew I was right! If it would be alright, me and Sana could come over one of these days to help you contact it? We’ve done that sort of stuff before together, and plus, I think I’m seriously convinced that Sana is actually psychic or something haha_

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_I mean, I technically already have made contact with it, I guess you can say… But I would definitely appreciate the help if you two are willing to come over and meet him_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_HIM?! Omg Even, tell me all about him!!!!_

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_Haha I guess there’s not much to say, but how bout we meet up for coffee after my shift tomorrow? You can bring Sana and I’ll get us some free coffee?_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_Yes, I’d love to! And I’m sure Sana would be more than happy, so I’ll let her know tomorrow! I get off school tomorrow at 15:30, when are you finished work?_

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_I’m finish tomorrow at 16, so that works out just fine. You two can just head on over after school and just wait for me to be finished?_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_That sounds great! I’m so excited that you’ve trusted us with this, Even. I can’t wait!_

**_To: Vilde Lien_ **

_Me neither :) And thank you for doing this!_

**_From: Vilde Lien_ **

_My pleasure!_

 

~~~~~~

That night, Even dreams of Isak’s death again.

When he wakes up, and takes in the usual large gulps of stale air around him, he isn’t crying like he normally is. He knows that Isak is sad. He knows that Isak probably feels trapped in this room for some reason, otherwise he wouldn’t have stuck around for all these years.

“Don’t worry about it, Isak,” Even murmurs out into the room, careful to be quiet in order to not wake his parents. “I’m going to help you however I can.”

As Even settles back down into the heavy duvet and snuggles himself back into the pillow, he hears it. The quiet static of the radio, the flipping of the channels, and then-

_“Thank you.”_

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...  
> Some things were found out this time, and I'm super excited to take you through all the backstories and journeys  
> Another thing, I know that I mention Isak being to tired to spell out his name, but then he goes to spell out longer words. This is because, while Isak is too tired to spell out his name, it is not because his name is too long. It is because of the associations that he has made with his name. I wish I could tell you more, but don't worry, everything will be revealed in time!  
> I'd also just like to reiterate, because I did have a bit of concern last chapter with it. This is a love story between Isak and Even. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances, I can't just write them together like I normally would. At the end of the day though, I cannot keep those two apart, even when one of them is not longer living. In infinite universes, I will always keep these two together, so don't worry about that. I hope that you'll stick around, I really do, and thank you so much for reading this chapter!  
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated <3


	3. Somebody Save My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even knows sadness like the back of his hand. This, however, is something else. This has been the most vivid dream that he has ever had. This has been the most coherent. Somehow, that is even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm so happy to get this new update out so fast. Once again, I am so unbelievably humbled by the amazing response that this story has had! Huge thank you to each and every single one of you that has read this story so far.  
> I know I don't have a consistent uploading schedule (whoops), but I hope to get the next chapter out soon! Unfortunately, I do have a couple of finals coming up fairly soon, so I really appreciate your patience!  
> Enough rambling. Enjoy!  
> Chapter title comes from "Anything but Ordinary" by Avril Lavigne :)

_ Crushing.  _

_ It holds him down on the bed, suffocating him. He is melting, whether it be from the fever or due to the fact that he is dying, he is not sure. He is melting away, fading into the blackness, into the walls. _

_ Isak is almost dead. _

_ The woman walks out of the bedroom, murmuring to herself incoherently. A larger silhouette stands at the door frame. _

_ “I wish it were different,” the figure says, clearing his throat when his voice comes out all raspy. “But he did this to himself. He is in God’s hands now.” _

_ The two figures watch on from the distance, as their son slowly dies, sinking into the depths of his duvet helplessly. He is not screaming anymore. _

_ The blackness completely takes over his vision at this point. The buzzing in his ears has stopped. Everything is quiet, oh so quiet. Isak lies there, and he hears nothing, smells nothing, tastes nothing, sees nothing. It is clear. He has just died. _

_ Isak is dead, yes, but he is not gone.  _

  
  


Even wakes up with a startled gasp. This time, there are tears streaming down his face. Not just tears, no, there are sobs wracking in his chest, cries escaping from his throat.

Even knows sadness like the back of his hand. This, however, is something else. This has been the most vivid dream that he has ever had. This has been the most coherent. Somehow, that is even worse.

“Even?” says a worried voice from the doorframe, female, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Mom,” he gasps, trying in vain to stifle his sobs and wipe his tears. “Bad dream- sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, love,” she replies, padding her way over to sit on the edge of Even’s bed. She cards her fingers through his sweaty hair, and together, they breathe.

They breathe until Even’s suppressed sobs become less and less. They breathe until Even is finally able to relax back into his pillow, and sink into the warmth.

“Mamma,” he whispers, stifling a yawn that threatens to escape his mouth. “How do you save someone?”

His mother looks at him, and despite the darkness, Even feels her eyes on him.

“I asked your father that exact same question last year,” she begins, brushing Even’s hair from his eyes for the hundredth time. “Why I couldn’t save you.”

“Mom…” he trails off, using all of his energy to prop himself up on his elbow in order to look at her properly. “I’m so sorry for scaring you.”

“You don’t need to apologize, love,” she replies, her voice soothing and gentle. “You never need to apologize for something that you can’t control.”

“I guess not,” Even says, halfheartedly, as he settles himself back down onto his pillow. “But I’m still sorry.”

“You’re here now,” she points out, and Even’s gives her a half-hearted smile in the darkness. “That’s all that matters.”

They sit in silence for a couple minutes, as the rest of Even’s tears finally settle into the fabric of his pillowcase. 

“Do you remember when you were growing up,” his mother says, reaching out to rub his back soothingly. “And I would always force you and your dad to watch Pretty Woman with me? Your dad would always complain about it being a chick flick and how we shouldn’t be showing our young son a film about prostitution, but I didn’t care. And then you watched it with me, and it was like you’d found your calling. I’d never seen someone fall so in love with film that quick. You couldn’t take your eyes off the screen for a single second.”

“I still want to do film,” Even murmurs, nuzzling into the pillow. He feels soothed by the woman who raised him, so much so that he could fall asleep. 

“I know, love,” his mom replies, the warmth in her tone palpable. “But do you remember your favourite part of the movie?”

Even racks his tired brain for a second.

“So, what happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued her?” she asks, nudging his shoulder. 

Even smiles tiredly.

“She rescues him right back.”

“There you go,” his mother says, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. “Now get some sleep, love. Will you be alright to go to work tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah,” Even replies, reminded himself of his conversation with Vilde.

“Well, then,” she replies, standing up from where she had been sitting. “Get some rest love, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, mamma,” Even murmurs, closing his eyes and sinking deeper into his pillow. “I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.”

Before he falls asleep, Even forces himself to listen for the sound of the radio playing, or another sign that Isak is listening. For lack of a better word, however, there is complete radio silence.

“I’m sorry they couldn’t save you,” Even whispers out into the room, hoping that Isak is somewhere near. “I’m sorry they left you alone.”

The last thing that Even hears as he finally succumbs to sleep, is the radio turn on. He allows the white noise to soothe him like a lullaby, soft and sweet, never-changing, constant. 

Within the noise, a single phrase is uttered.

_ “I’m sorry too.” _

  
  


~~~~~~~~

 

“Hei, Even!” says a bright and bubbly voice from the other side of the counter. Even puts down the caramel that he’d just been drizzling onto the macchiato that he’d been making and turns around.

He is met with shining blue eyes, bright blonde hair, and a smile that resembles the sun.

“Vilde, hello!” Even exclaims, rushing around the other side of the counter so that he can bring her into a hug. Given everything that has happened, he hasn’t really had much of a chance to see anyone from Nissen these past few months.

“So lovely to see you,” she replies, her tone soft and sugary, but not over the top. Nothing about Vilde’s expressions or mannerisms are over the top. She is simply bright and bubble through and through.

“You too,” Even replies just as warmly, unable to keep the smile on his face as he returns back over the counter. “Where’s Sana?”

“Oh, she was just finishing something up with her biology partner,” Vilde explains, as Even grabs onto the caramel macchiato again hands it over to the customer that had been waiting at the counter. “Apparently they’re like, really bad or something and never do any work. But she said that she’d be over as soon as she was done!”

“Sounds good,” Even replies, taking a quick glance up at the clock. “I’ll tell you what, I’m off in fifteen, so why don’t I get something started for you, and you sit down, and then I’ll come join you once I’m ready.”

“Okay!” Vilde agrees, and then begins digging around in her purse. “I’ll have a chamomile tea, please, no sugar or creamer or anything.”

“No problem,” Even says, tapping away at the screen on the register. “And don’t worry about it, this one’s on me.”

“Thanks, Even,” she says, and he can almost see the tension melt from her shoulders. “I guess I’ll just, head over to that table.”

She points over to the table near the window, where the late afternoon sun gleams onto it.

“Sounds good,” Even replies, reaching over to the left to grab the chamomile tea bags. “I’ll bring this over for you once I’m done.”

“Thanks!”

 

While Even finishes up the rest of his shift, he can’t help but train his eyes over to the window every so often, waiting for any sign of Sana. He can believe Vilde believing in spirits, after all, she’d rightfully identified that Even was attached to Isak. What he can’t believe, however, is the fact that Sana encourages Vilde to be in tune with her so-called  _ spiritual side. _

This is coming from Sana, the little sister of his best friend, with a temper that is cool and collected, and a smile that could melt anyone’s heart. Sana somehow has the ability to make people scared, what with her snappy comebacks against ignorance and casual islamophobia. However, she also has the amazing ability to make people feel so incredibly welcome, despite their pasts.

 

_ “Hei, Even,” Sana whispers as the door to Even’s hospital room opens with a small creak.  _

_ Even turns around, careful of the IV that is attached in his left arm. He is slow in everything that he does. His movements are slow, almost like a caricature. His eyes slowly train on the door, and on the girl in the doorway, who today, is wearing a yellow hijab, as opposed to her usual black one. She looks beautiful, even though she is not smiling. _

_ Even nods in acknowledgement, and Sana must take that as a sign to fully enter, as she closes the door behind her and carefully pads on over to the side of Even’s bed. _

_ “I just heard about what happened,” she says, as she sits on the edge of Even’s bed, her weight dipping into it, grounding him. “And I came as quick as I could.” _

_ Even nods again, and he is not talking because he is being rude. Even feels like his head is filled with syrup, filtering through his fingers. He knows that he can talk, technically. However, his brain doesn’t seem to be able to get the signal down to his mouth. _

_ Sana, however, does not seem bothered by this in the slightest. Instead, she gives him a small smile. Even doesn’t detect a single trace of pity in her eyes, and so he allows himself to give her a grimace back.  _

_ “I’m sure you’ve heard so much talking in the past little while,” she continues, placing both of her hands on her knees firmly. “And I can only imagine what you must be thinking, and I know that nothing I or anyone else say or do will help right now. But, I know that, even after I’m having a shitty day, the moment that I begin to pray, every single thought goes silent. I was wondering if we could pray together?” _

_ She must sense the confusion shining in Even’s tired eyes, because she continues hastily. _

_ “I know that you don’t believe in any of this stuff,” she says, wringing her hands together now. “And that’s totally okay, because I’m not going to force you to believe in anything. I guess I just wanted to bring you some of that peace, or something, I don’t kno-” _

_ “Sana,” he whispers, his voice so unbelievably hoarse. The words are quiet, but Sana stops as soon as she hears them. “I would love that.” _

_ The words take all of Even’s energy to utter, and he closes his eyes, allowing the darkness to envelope him for a second. _

_ “Okay,” Sana murmurs, and Even opens his eyes again to brightness. “And don’t worry, I’ll do all the work for the both of us. You just close your eyes and relax, okay?” _

_ When Even nods, Sana steels herself, placing a hesitant hand on his chest. _

_ Her hand is warm, and comforting, enough to ground Even into the bed. He is here, right now, in this body.  _

_ As Sana begins to whisper under her breath, Even allows the Arabic words to wash over him like a blanket. It feels like home, like his childhood, surrounded by his friends, and Mamma Bakkoush’s chebakia.  _

_ He slowly falls asleep, but this time, it isn’t the exhausted darkness that envelops him once more. This time, he falls asleep, and his head is blissfully quiet and relaxed. He wonders to himself, one tiny fleeting thought before he finally succumbs into the gentle grasp of sleep, if maybe, just maybe, it can get better from here. _

 

“Halla,” says a voice, interrupting Even out of his small flashback. He looks up from the coffee maker, to meet the gaze of warm brown eyes, and he smiles.

“Sana!” he says, immediately dropping what he is doing so that he can rush around the counter again, like he had done with Vilde. “How are you?”

“I’m good!” she says, laughing as Even gives her a big hug. “How are you?”

Her voice is a little muffled, as their height difference gives her no other choice but to bury her face into Even’s chest.

“I’m alright,” Even replies, not bothering to lie about it. He knows that Sana would see right through him anyways. “Considering.”

“Yeah,” Sana says as they break apart, looking up at Even with a small smile on her face. “Vilde’s told me a little bit.”

“And we’ll tell you more,” Even promises, taking another glance up at the clock. “I’m just about finished now, so why don’t I get you something to drink, you can go sit with Vilde, and then I’ll head to the back to get changed?”

“Sounds good,” Sana replies, glancing back to where Vilde is sitting. Vilde gives her an enthusiastic wave, and Sana grins widely, waving back in the same enthusiastic manner.

“I’ll have a green tea, if that’s alright?” Sana continues, reaching into her bag, most likely to grab her wallet. “With no sugar or anything.”

“You girls are so funny,” Even laughs, placing a hand on top of Sana’s in order to stop her movements. “You got it; a green tea, no sugar, on me.”

Sana doesn’t seem to be as relieved as Vilde, but she smiles nonetheless.

“Thanks, Even!”

With that, she heads on over to Vilde’s table and gives her friend a hug, Even busies himself with making Sana’s tea.

As he finishes the tea and brings it over to Sana and Vilde’s table, he can’t help but smile when he overhears a little bit of their conversation.

“I’m telling you, Sana,” Vilde insists, her voice defensive, as Sana is laughing. “You really don’t know what you’re missing.”

“Don’t worry, Vilde,” Sana giggles, her dimples appearing deep in her cheeks. “I’m not jealous of you and Magnus, but I’m happy for you two!”

“I’m not talking about me and Magnus!” Vilde argues, her voice high and bright, and she appears to be attempting to suppress her giggles. “I’m talking about you and-”

“Halla, girls,” Even interrupts, not wanting to intrude too much in their personal business. He sets Sana’s steaming tea onto the table in front of her, and clasps his hands together. “Let me just quickly get changed, okay?”

He hears choruses of “Okay!” behind him, and so Even heads to the back room to take off his work shirt and apron.

When he comes back, wearing his jean jacket and feeling much more like himself, the girls have begun giggling to themselves.

“Even!” Vilde giggles, blowing onto her still steaming mug in between her hands. “Come sit!”

Even sits down on the the chair opposite the girls, and he takes a longer look at the both of them. They look good since the last time he saw them, which was probably at some party thrown at Eva’s house or something.

“So,” Vilde begins, leaning forward eagerly in her chair. “I wanna know all about him!”

“Him?” Sana echoes, furrowing her brows.

“Uh, yeah,” Even replies, racking his brain on how he can give them the shortened version of the story. “So uh, I have a spirit in my house.”

“A spirit?” Sana asks, and she too, leans forward in the same manner as her friend. “How do you know?”

Even grimaces. “I promised I wouldn’t rat out Elias,” he starts, hoping to God that Sana doesn’t bring this up with her older brother. “But okay, we were hanging out in my new room, and then suddenly Adam is like, convinced that my house is haunted, so-”

“Was he high?” Sana interrupts, smirking like she knows that she’s right. Which she is.

“Uh, yeah,” Even confirms, careful to keep Elias’ name out of it. “He was seemingly convinced that there was a spirit in my house, and so he insisted that we use a Ouija board.”

“Oh yeah,” Vilde says, nodding her head in understanding. “Adam always gets like that whenever he’s high. He was so interested in it when I was talking to him at Eva’s party.”

“Anyways,” Sana says, rolling her eyes fondly at Vilde. “What happened with the Ouija board, Even?”

“Well,” Even continues, settling himself back into his chair. “At first, nothing happened, but then, the planchette actually moved when I specifically asked for it. And like, we talked to him, and he was really awesome. His name is Isak, and he’s seventeen. I guess he used to live in my house about twenty years ago, and he actually went to Nissen when he was alive.”

“He died when he was seventeen?” Vilde asks, her smile dropping sightly.

“Yeah,” Even confirms, matching her slight frown. “And I guess that’s what I wanted to talk to you two about? See, I’ve been having these dreams nearly every single night, but Isak says that they’re flashbacks… of his death.”

“How did he die?” Sana asks, her gaze suddenly intense, which is something she typically only reserves for people that she’s about to tell off. Then, she startles back, as if confused by her own intensity.

“I don’t exactly know?” Even says, backing up himself, as if shielding himself from Sana’s uncharacteristic gaze. “The dreams are never too coherent enough for me to understand  _ why  _ he’s dying. But I do know that it was painful, and I think his parents have something to do with it?”

“Shit,” Vilde breathes, slouching against the back of her chair. “That sounds horrible, Even. I think maybe we should try to help Isak.”

Even gives her a small smile, and then turns towards Sana, who is looking back at him in a way that Even has never seen before.

“Do you believe me?” he asks, thinking back to what Yousef had said the other day, about how Sana didn’t believe in spirits.

“I believe you,” Sana replies, nodding her head firmly. “And I think I know just how to help him.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehhhhhhhh... sorry!  
> Feel free to yell at me as much as you'd like, and of course, I truly appreciate kudos and comments.  
> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Life Had Just Begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are plunged into silence for a couple seconds. Even, who isn’t particularly attuned to spirits, can’t even shake off the feeling that he gets. This sombre, melancholy feeling, that fills the cracks and crevices in the walls, right down to the dust bunnies on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and sorry for the long wait in between chapters! I am officially done exams now yayyyy  
> Before I continue this chapter, I need to issue a very serious warning before you continue.  
> I'm kind of evil, I know, and I'm like, totally sorry in advance. Remember that this is a love story and that I plan for this to be a happy ending!  
> This chapter will go in depth about how Isak died. The content is upsetting and could potentially be triggering to some people. Without giving too much away, Isak becomes sick and he dies. If this is upsetting to you in any way, feel free to stop reading from here on out. I chose this specific illness because I am so incredibly passionate about awareness towards it. I can't say that I'm the total expert, but this is a disease that I have studied in depth in University and have written papers on. I promise to carry this plot point out with the utmost respect as I possibly can. If you spot something that you feel is inaccurate or offensive, please let me know and I will do my best to fix it. The fact of the matter is that this disease if still something that is a pandemic, in 2018. The time period that I am focussing on, however, is in the early nineties, where there was so much stigma and discrimination surrounding it, particularly pertaining to immigrants, people of colour, and LGBT+ folks. I want to talk about it, as someone who is open in the LGBT+ community, because I feel that it is important to remember the people who have had their lives taken from them too young, and those who fought to get the community to where it is today.  
> You can probably guess what it is from this long-winded paragraph, but I truly felt that I needed to warn you before you read this update.  
> Tl;dr, this chapter has some upsetting things and I don't want you to go into this completely blind.  
> Thank you for all your support and love from this story, and I'm really, really sorry haha  
> Love,  
> Noah

Together, they’d left KB, their eyes alight with something akin to hope and fear. Hope, that perhaps, they would be able to save someone. Fear, was the emotion that represented just about everything else; the hopelessness that Even has been feeling ever since he’d met Isak, and the apprehension that Sana would suddenly be unable to help save Isak, despite her confidence towards the whole situation. Vilde was perhaps the most hopeful of them all, her bright blue eyes shining just as much as the smile adorned on her lips.

The were perhaps the strangest trio in Oslo, seeing as Even was probably about three feet taller than his two friends, but they somehow made it work.

 

“Welcome to Casa de Even,” Even announces dramatically, opening his door in order to let in the the shorter girls in first. The slightly rustic smell that Even has come to associate with  _ home  _ lingers in the air.

“Ooh, it’s cozy in here!” Vilde exclaims, taking a look at the small little drawings that Even has put up on the walls since moving. “This place has so much charm to it!”

“Don’t you feel it, Vilde?” Sana interrupts, and Vilde quickly brings her hands back down to her sides again. Sana takes a look around from the entrance of Even’s bedroom, and closes her eyes. “Close your eyes and just feel.”

Vilde closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. They are plunged into silence for a couple seconds. Even, who isn’t particularly attuned to spirits, can’t even shake off the feeling that he gets. This sombre, melancholy feeling, that fills the cracks and crevices in the walls, right down to the dust bunnies on the floor. 

Vilde lets out a gasp in the silence, and when Even looks over at her, her eyes are open. Not only are they wide open, but they’re swimming with tears, which are streaming down her cheeks.

“Vilde?” he asks apprehensively, reaching out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

She startles, and turns to look at Even, wiping at her face hastily.

“Sorry,” she chokes out, seemingly able to finally control her tears now. “It’s just, you were definitely right, there is a spirit in here, Even.”

“I’ve felt an energy like this before,” Sana murmurs on the other side of Even. “It’s heartbreaking.”

“I’m sure he can hear you right now,” Even says, crossing the threshold in order to reach into his bedside table, to grab the makeshift Ouija board. “I’m not sure if he’ll respond with strangers in the house, but we can give it a shot?”

Both Vilde and Sana sit down on the bed cross legged, looking down as Even puts his fingers down on the planchette. They follow along, each placing their fingers on the small piece of cardboard.

“Hi, Isak,” Even calls out, not even bothering to feel silly as he does so. “I’ve brought some friends with me, if that’s alright? This is Sana and Vilde, and they want to help you in any way they can, okay?”

At first, nothing happens. Then, slowly, but surely, the planchette begins to move.

 

_ S-A-N-A _

 

Sana looks up from the board, her brows furrowed in confusion. “Yes?” she responds, biting her lip with unease.

Isak doesn’t reply exactly with words, however, the mood shifts. Even feels it right in his chest, punching through his diaphragm and leaving him breathless. He can tell that Vilde feels it too, from the way her mouth is open is a soundless gasp. 

It feels almost  _ angry.  _ Which is something that Even has never felt from Isak.

 

_ T-H-A-N-A-T-O-S _

 

“Yes,” Sana replies, her eyes glazing over hazily. “Show me.”

Even and Vilde exchange glances of confusion, but before either one of them can speak, Sana’s eyes roll up into the back of her head, and she is slumping into Vilde’s side.

“Sana!” she cries out, quickly wrapping an arm around her unconscious friend. “Even! What the hell is going on?”

“I don’t know,” Even exclaims, looking around the room wildly, as if that’ll help even in the slightest. “Isak?”

There is no answer. Instead, the two stare in horror as Sana convulses once, and then gasps awake.

“Fuck!” Sana curses hoarsely, wiping away at the tears that have begun to stream down her face.

“Fuck is right!” Even scoffs, reaching out to place a hand on her upper arm to steady her. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Sana replies, shutting her eyes tightly. “But now I know.”

“What?” Vilde asks, rubbing her own hand soothingly along Sana’s other arm. “What just happened?”

“I know how he died,” Sana responds, opening her eyes again, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. “He just showed me.”

Even is almost scared to ask. He can’t, not until he’s spoken to Isak first.

“Isak,” Even calls out into his room, shaking his head in disbelief. “What’s going on?”

 

_ S-A-N-A _

 

Even almost rolls his eyes as Isak repeats himself, but he refrains. If Isak is just as terrified as Even feels, then he doesn’t blame him.

“Can you show me what you showed Sana?” Even’s asks instead, and while he isn’t exactly ecstatic to see what Sana saw, he knows that he has to figure it out somehow.

 

_ No _

 

“He can’t show you,” Sana answers quietly, looking up from her lap to meet Even’s gaze. “He’s only able to do that with me.”

“So, you are psychic!” Vilde blurts, and then covers her mouth with both of her hands once she realizes what she has said.

“Not psychic, no,” Sana responds, her voice a million miles away. “He was only able to do that with me because I know how to let him in. Neither you or Even have the capability to do that.”

“Well then,” Even says, looking back down at the Ouija board. “What  _ can _ you show me?”

For a second, he almost thinks that Isak is completely gone, seemingly scared off by all the interaction, despite the fact that Even is probably the most terrified person in this room. But then, slowly but surely, the planchette moves once more.

 

_ A-T-T-I-C _

  
  
  
  
  


It takes a little while for Even to get the latch to the attic undone, stood upon a chair from the kitchen in order to even be able to reach the ceiling. Vilde and Sana stand on the ground below him, looking up at the rusty old latch with determination fierce in their eyes.

Finally, with a long, sharp squeal, the latch gives, and Even is finally able to open the hatch, and pull down the ladder that is attached to it.

“There we go,” he announces, as Vilde claps her hands excitedly below him. He doesn’t even understand how Vilde is able to stay excited, given the circumstances, but he’s not going to rain on her parade now.

“I guess I’ll head up first?” Even offers, stepping from his chair and onto one of the steps on the ladder. “That way I can check for spiders?”

Sana rolls her eyes, but is seemingly too exhausted to give a witty retort. Vilde, however, lets out a sigh of relief.

“Yes, please,” she replies, looking down at her socked feet shyly. Even smiles, and gives her a gentle nod in confirmation.

With that, Even steps up the ladder slowly, and as his head plunges into the darkness, he reaches into his pocket in order to take out his phone. He unlocks it quickly and turns on the flashlight, and then blinks in his surroundings.

Even in the dim lighting, he can tell that no one has been up here for a very, very, long time. In fact, the entire places is almost empty, bar for a small pile of boxes in the corner. Even reckons that’s probably what he’s looking for.

“You can come up!” Even calls down, as he fully climbs up onto the floor, and then bends down as his head hits the ceiling.

“Damn,” Even murmurs to himself, shuffling along awkwardly towards the boxes. “Why do I have to be such a giraffe?”

Behind him, he can hear someone else stepping onto the floor. When he turns around, it’s Vilde, who gives him a small giggle at the display of awkward lankiness in front of her.

“Shush,” Even chides, giggling along with her to let her know that he’s only kidding. “You’re just short.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Sana retorts as she climbs into the attic as well, having no problem standing up either.

“Anyways,” Even says, rolling his eyes. “I think that this is what we’re looking for.”

He points to the boxes in the corner. The beam of Even’s phone light shines through the room, blocked by the small particles of dust that float through the air. Even doesn’t think that this dust, the tiny molecules of dirt and skin, have seen the light of day in a very, very, long time.

“Let’s just grab them and then go back downstairs,” Vilde suggests, letting out a small cough. “I can’t stand all this dust.”

“Good idea,” Sana says, walking past Even in order to grab the first box from the top of the pile.

“Hey,” Even says, walking over to her in order to grab the box from her hands. “You just passed out in my bedroom, I don’t think you’re in any shape to be lifting things right now.”

“Chill, Even,” Sana replies, taking the box back out of his hands. “It’s like, two kilos, I can handle that.”

With that, she stalks back over to the entrance, and walks down the ladder without another words.

Even raises his eyebrows at Vilde, who simply shrugs and grabs another box from the pile.

Even takes the last box in the sad pile, and shuffles back over to the hatch, careful to not hit his head again.

Before he climbs down the ladder, he takes one look into the small sad attic again. He can’t help but feel a pang of sadness go through him, because he can’t even imagine why any of Isak’s stuff would be left behind.

He climbs down the ladder after Vilde, and the three of them stand at the base for a second, not speaking a word. 

Honestly, thought, what can anyone even say?

“Let’s go to my room,” Even murmurs instead, brushing gently past Vilde and Sana. He can hear the padding of socked feet upon carpet behind him, but Even is more focused on the thick layer of dust that covers the lid of his box. Why did no one seem to care about Isak? What happened to his parents?

When Even sits back down on his bed, he realises that he hasn’t even said goodbye to Isak. He can just imagine him now, a faceless boy, sat in the corner of the room, scared and alone. Scared because he has no idea what is going on, just like everyone else in the room. Alone, because no one came back for him. 

“Sorry, Isak,” Even announces, setting the dusty box to his left as he settles his fingers back on the planchette. “I didn’t mean to leave you just like that.”

 

_ O-K-A-Y _

 

Isak responds almost instantly, like he’d been counting down the seconds until Even came back into his room. Even doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Vilde and Sana walk back into the room, their own boxes in their arms, and settle on the edge of Even’s mattress.

“Okay,” Vilde announces, her light voice a wonderful distraction from the pit in Even’s stomach. “This is everything we found in the attic, I’m guessing that it belonged to you?”

 

_ Yes _

 

“Here goes nothing, then,” Even says, shrugging his shoulders, taking his fingers off the planchette to open the lid of the box.

Almost immediately, the thick pile of dust on the top expels into the air in a sad  _ poof,  _ and then deflates on Even’s duvet, defeated. 

At the top of the pile, is a faded picture of a boy, fair skin with what appears to be green eyes. He is smiling in the picture, and wearing nice clothing. Even recognizes this as a school photo, which is obviously quite dated. When he turns the picture around, he sees the words  _ ‘Isak, age 6, 1984’.  _

Even smiles, despite the overwhelming sense of dread built up in his throat. 

“You were a cute kid,” Even remarks, placing the photo down onto the bed gently, and reaching back into the box again.

He pulls out another photo, and this time, there are two people in the photo. A boy, probably about fourteen or fifteen years old, with his arm wrapped around another similarly aged boy. The blonde one, who is tucked under the brunette’s arm, is probably Isak, if the previous picture was anything to go by.

“They are cute!” Vilde pipes in, and Even jumps a little when he realizes that Vilde is perched right above his shoulder. When she notices Even’s little start, she moves back slightly, a sheepish grin on her face.

Even smiles to himself, putting the photo on the bed for Sana and Vilde to take a closer look. He picks up the next item in the box, which, to Even’s surprise, isn’t a photo. It’s a document. 

 

_ Report card of Isak Valtersen _

_ Grefsen Skole _

_ 1991-1992 _

 

“They left behind your report card?” Even asks, not really expecting an answer. “These are really good grades, too!”

He passes the report card over to Sana, who squints her eyes at it.

“He only made a five in biology?” she says, scoffing slightly, albeit teasingly. “He’d have made a six if I’d have helped him.”

“We get it,” Even teases, rolling his eyes as he grabs the next item from the box. “You’re a gen-”

Even stops cold turkey when he reads the next document. This doesn’t appear to be a school document, or some sort of project. 

It looks like a blood test.

 

_ Patient Name: Isak Valtersen _

_ Date of Birth: 21/06/1978 _

_ Sex: Male _

_ Date: 26/06/1995 _

 

** _Test Name_ _Result_ **

 

_ Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) Antibodies                      _

_ HIV-1 1gG Confirmation IB                                      Positive _

 

“Isak…”

It’s then that the radio buzzes to life, switching between channels. Even feels his heart sink into the soles of his feet. It feels as though there is someone sitting atop his chest, and choking him. When the radio finally settles on a channel, Even begins to cry.

 

_ “Life had just begun, and now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.” _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go ahead and yell at me ahhhhh  
> I'm really sorry, and I'm sorry to Isak jhfgdxgc  
> Also! The biggest thank you to [Mikki](http://skamfairy.tumblr.com/) and [Wyo](http://julian-dahl.tumblr.com/) who helped me so much with this chapter when I was stuck!!!! Y'all are the best and I love you so much thank youuuuuuuuuu <3


	5. But Waiting Makes Me Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even looks at the woman in front of him, with her unruly blonde curls and wet green eyes filled with tears. Upon second glance, she truly looks like the boy from the picture. Sure, she’s definitely a lot older, and much more feminine, obviously. But this leaves Even without a doubt in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhh sorry for the wait since the GIANT cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter! I have no other excuses other than I have the worlds worst writers block right now, so I'm really sorry for this short update ahhhhhh! I just wanted to get something out there for y'all!  
> Thank you for your patience, and remember, things are going to start looking up from here!  
> Enjoy!  
> Chapter title comes from Svefn-g-englar by Sigur Ros.

Even sends Vilde and Sana home probably about half an hour after his breakdown.

 

_ “Are you sure that you’ll be okay?” Sana asks, abandoning putting on her shoes in the doorway for a second to take a good look at Even, the dry tear tracks prominent against his puffy cheeks. _

_ “I think so,” Even replies, giving the smallest of smiles in return to Vilde, who seems to be trying her best not to stare at Even from behind Sana. “I just need to talk to him, I think.” _

_ “I think that he’d appreciate that,” Sana says, rubbing her hand comfortingly along Even’s upper arm. “He needs you right now.” _

_ “What about you?” Even wonders, motioning to the picture of Isak and the other boy that is clutched in her other hand.  _

_ “I’m going to find out who this is,” Sana replies, holding up the picture for all three of them to see. “Maybe he can help us somehow. Either way, he might have answers.” _

_ “I can take a look around Nissen,” Vilde offers, leaning her shoulder against the wall. “See if I can find him and any of his friends in the yearbook or anything?  _

_ “Perfect,” Sana says, sending Even a small smile. “I think we might be able to really help him.” _

_ “How do you know?” Even asks, and he can see Vilde looking at Sana quizzically as well.  _

_ “I’m not entirely sure,” Sana replies, looking down at her shoes, sheepish in a way that she normally isn’t. “But there’s always something that can be done.” _

 

With that, Even had sent the girls home, both making them promise to let him know when they got home safe.

And now, he sits on his bed, next to the piece of paper that changed  _ everything. _

“Isak,” he calls out, looking down at the Ouija board, from which he still has not ended the session. “You still there?”

 

_ Yes _

 

“Okay.” Even lets out a sigh of relief, as the familiar and comforting weight guides his hand on the planchette once more. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

_ U-G-H _

 

Even laughs wetly, unable to stop himself as a hot tear slides down his cheek. Despite everything, Isak still manages to have a sense of humour about it. He’s so fucking brave.

“How did it happen?” Even asks instead, swallowing the lump in his throat.

 

_ S-E-X _

 

“You’re fucking cheeky, you know that?” Even retorts, wiping at the stray tear on his cheek before it can travel down his neck. “Seriously, though, I’d like to know what happened.”

 

_ C-L-U-B _

 

“It happened in a club, okay,” Even repeats, furrowing his brows as he tries to imagine the scene. “You didn’t use a condom?”

 

_ D-I-D-N-T-K-N-O-W _

 

“I guess not,” Even mumbles, frowning uncontrollably. “And you didn’t get treatment, or?”

 

_ No _

 

“Why not?” Even wonders, but he thinks he already knows the answer.

 

_ P-A-R-E-N-T-S _

 

“Jesus,” Even breathes out. It feels as if there is now a stone resting upon his chest, and he can only imagine what Isak went through. 

The scariest part, though, is that he can put himself in Isak’s shoes  _ so easily. _

Even doesn’t remember a whole lot about being manic in the same way that he remembers any other of his memories. Most of the time it’s choppy, cut in in chunks of euphoria and ecstasy. 

He remembers being unfaithful to Sonja, hookups at random clubs, boys and girls without faces. He knows that they used protection, because using condoms has been something that has been ingrained into Even’s skull since the day he started sex education. 

He can only imagine what would have happened if he didn’t know that like the back of his hand. 

What he can’t imagine however, is his parents not being supportive at all. It breaks his heart; crushes it into bits, stomped on the ground, blown away in the wind.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Isak,” Even murmurs, looking to his left to look at the blonde teenager in the picture, his smile genuine, yet guarded. “Did anyone know that you were gay?”

 

_ O-N-E _

 

“Would we be able to somehow talk to them?” Even asks, not really sure where this is going, but he’s willing to try anything.

 

_ D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W _

 

“You don’t know if they’d talk to us?”

 

_ N-A-M-E _

 

“You don’t know their name?” Even repeats, feeling his shoulders sink in disappointment.

 

_ No _

 

“Shit,” Even curses, looking to his left again at one of the other pictures that escaped the box during Even’s panic, looking at Isak’s smiling face, as well as the same friend from Sana’s picture. “Wait a second, Isak, who is this?”

 

_ J-O-N-A-S _

 

“Jonas?” Even repeats, unable to stop the grin wide on his face. “Would he be willing to talk to us, do you think?”

 

_ Yes _

 

“What’s his last name?” Even asks, already grabbing his phone out of his pocket to text Sana.

 

E-V-E-N

 

“Yes?” Even stops everything, and puts all his attention onto the board once again.

 

_ H-E-D-O-E-S-N-T-K-N-O-W _

 

“You never came out to him, I know,” Even replies, setting his phone down on the bed next to him.

 

_ S-I-C-K _

 

“Sick…” Even trails off for a second, racking his brain. “He didn’t know you were sick? How could he not know that?”

 

_ N-O-T-H-I-V _

 

“He didn’t know that you were HIV positive?” Even asks. “What did he think you had?”

 

_ C-A-N-C-E-R _

 

“Fuck.” Even sighs for a second, taking a look at the young Jonas in the picture. “We won’t mention that, if that’s what you’re wondering. Sana just thinks that it might help us if we talk to some of the people in your life.”

 

_ S-A-N-A _

 

“Yes, Sana,” Even muses, chuckling a little. “Why are you so weird about her?”

 

_ T-H-A-N-A-T-O-S _

 

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Even asks, and then pauses. “Wait, I’m gonna google that. Wait…. Do you even know what google is? It’s a-”

The radio turns on, and Even stops so that he can hear. 

 

_ “Shut up.” _

 

It switches off, and Even begins to laugh.

“Sorry,” Even replies, taking his hands off the planchette for a second in order to pick up his phone and unlock it. “I’m looking it up now.”

 

_ In Greek mythology,  _ **_Thanatos_ ** _ (/ˈθænətɒs/; Greek: Θάνατος, pronounced in Ancient Greek: [tʰánatos] "Death", from θνῄσκω thnēskō "to die, be dying") was the personification of death. He was a minor figure in Greek mythology, often referred to but rarely appearing in person. _

 

“What are you trying to say?” Even says nervously, looking up from his phone and putting his fingers back on the planchette again. “Are you just really into greek mythology, or?”

 

_ S-A-N-A _

 

“What about her?” Even asks, feeling a little frustrated at how vague Isak is being. “She’s death? Or something? She can’t be, I’ve known her since we were both kids, she’s well and alive.”

 

_ No _

 

“Are you going to tell me what that even means?” Even rolls his eyes, before he can help himself.

 

_ S-O-R-R-Y _

 

“No, fuck.” Even stops himself, before he says something that he’ll definitely regret. “I’m sorry, Isak, I know that you must be just as confused as I am. I didn’t mean to take out my frustrations on you.”

 

_ O-K-A-Y _

 

“Okay,” Even repeats, and he feels his chest begin to lift a little bit. “Do you think you would be able to tell me Jonas’ last name? I’d just like to talk to him, I wouldn’t tell him about how you died.”

 

_ V-A-S-Q-U-E-Z _

 

“Thank you, Isak,” Even smiles, because suddenly, he feels hopeful, even though Isak has been dead for longer than twenty years. Somehow, this still feels like progress.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_To: Sana Banana_ **

_ His name is Jonas Vasquez. _

**_From: Sana Banana_ **

_ The boy from the picture? Yeah, I know. _

**_To: Sana Banana_ **

_ You literally left my place fifteen minutes ago, how did you figure it out that quickly? _

**_From: Sana Banana_ **

_ I have my ways. _

**_To: Sana Banana_ **

_ You are scarily impressive sometimes, you know that? _

**_From: Sana Banana_ **

_ Fuck yeah I know it. _

~~~~~~~~

 

Throughout Even’s shift the next day, he thinks that he spills about five coffees, three teas, and half a muffin.

Even would like to blame his clumsiness on his personality, after all, being tall leaves him with some disastrously long limbs. But Even knows why he’s so clumsy.

It’s because Isak, the boy that he has only ever seen in photos, who he dreams of every night, has somehow managed to take up every single bit of Even’s waking thoughts. Typically, Even wouldn’t allow himself to get like this, because he knows that becoming fixated on one thing so intensely can have such disastrous results. He just can’t help himself, because whenever Isak is sad, Even is sad. Whenever Isak is happy, Even is happy. He has somehow allowed Isak to become such an integral part of his mind and spirit. Somehow, he doesn’t mind it one bit.

It only becomes a problem when his manager, Lea, calls him into his office.

Naturally, Even freaks out a little, and is already planning the extra trip out to Ikea in his head so that he can replace all the cups that’s broken today. 

When he walks into the small office, however, and see’s the look swimming in Lea’s green eyes, he stops.

“Are you okay?” Even asks instead, settling down onto the small chair opposite Lea’s.

“I’m okay, thanks,” she replies quiet, guarded, and closed-off in a way that she normally isn’t. “I just called you in here to confirm your new address that you moved to?”

“What about it?” Even wonders, furrowing his brows in confusion. Lea furrows her brows in the same manner.

“Are you  _ sure  _ that you gave me the right address?” Lea asks, frowning slightly, which is something that Even has never seen her do. 

“Yes?” Even says, in the form of a question. “It’s actually closer to here than my old place, so don’t worry about me like, switching locations or anything.”

“It’s not that,” Lea replies, biting her lip hesitantly. For a woman in her early forties, she always looks really good for her age. This is the first time that Even can see the years on her skin, weighing her down, in a way that it shouldn’t. 

“What is it?”

“It’s just that,” Lea pauses, glancing nervously into Even’s eyes. “I used to live there, when I was a kid.”

“You…” Even stops for a second, doing some mental math, but ultimately failing. “When was that?”

“I moved out in 1995,” Lea says, and then shuts her mouth, but still allows gravity to do the work for her, aiding her frown.

_ Fuck. _

“Did you…” Even hesitates, because he realises how much he is walking on thin ice right now. “Did you have a brother?”

To Even’s horror and surprise, Lea’s eyes begin to fill with tears. He sits there, as she wipes at her face, smudging her makeup a little bit, feeling completely out of his element. Honestly, what the fuck is he supposed to do?

“Yeah,” she whispers, sniffling away what is hopefully the last of her tears. 

“Isak,” Even says, not even bothering to guess, because he just  _ knows.  _ This is Isak’s sister.

“I haven’t heard that name in nearly twenty years,” Lea chuckles humourlessly, sniffling again. “It doesn’t even feel real anymore.”

“I found some old pictures of him in the attic,” Even says, reaching out a hand to rest upon hers delicately. She jumps at the contact, but ultimately, accepts the gesture of comfort. “I didn’t realize he had a sister.”

“He passed away such a long time ago,” Lea replies, seemingly unsurprised that Even knows anything. “Generally I’m regarded as the only Valtersen child, anyways.”

“You aren’t,” Even says, firmly, unwavering. Lea smiles at this, her eyes filling with another round of unshed tears.

“You know that he got sick?” she blurts, as the tear falls down her cheek. “He was sick and our parents hid him away, because they were ashamed that their child was  _ dying.” _

Even looks at the woman in front of him, with her unruly blonde curls and wet green eyes filled with tears. Upon second glance, she truly looks like the boy from the picture. Sure, she’s definitely a lot older, and much more feminine, obviously. But this leaves Even without a doubt in his mind.

“And then,” Lea continues, her eyes glazed over, as if Even isn’t even there. “They fucking leave him in his room to rot, until he’s nothing but a corpse. And they fully well knew exactly what he had, fuck all this cancer bullshit.”

Even almost laughs, because wow, she is seriously the female version of Isak. However, when she utters her last words, something in him freezes.

“He didn’t die of cancer?” Even asks, feigning ignorance.

“You’re probably the last person I should tell,” Lea laughs, without a trace of humour in her tone. “But whatever, you’re young, I don’t even think that you’d been born yet. He died from HIV, straight up. I saw the test results. My parents weren’t fooling anyone.”

“You knew?” Even exclaims, or rather, blurts out, before he can help himself.

When Lea gives him the oddest look, Even knows that he’s gone too far. 

Fuck it.

“You can like, totally say no if you’d like,” Even starts again, playing with his fingers nervously. “But would you like to visit the house? I could give you back Isak’s pictures, because they’re not really mine.”

“I wouldn’t call myself the person deserving of those pictures,” Lea says, wiping the tears from her face again. “I just fucking left him there to die.”

“I really don’t know much about the situation,” Even replies, only half-lying. “But I know that’s not the case.”

“I tried to help him,” Lea insists, choking slightly on the sob that builds up in her throat. “I was gonna get him out of there and into a hospital. But then I came home one day, and he was just gone.”

“Lea,” Even says, unable to keep the tears from falling from his own eyes. “Please come with me. I promise you that Isak wouldn’t blame you at all. I have something to show you, though. I think you’d really like to see it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know your thoughts and theories! I'd love to hear them!   
> Thank you so much for reading <3


	6. I Found Another Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Typically, Isak is happy whenever Even comes home, but this is different. This feels much older, much more more nostalgic. Even likes to think that Isak knows who it is, despite the twenty years, and different realms that separate them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> I'm so sorry for the delay! I thought that posting the last chapter would kick my ass into gear, but unfortunately, the writers block is still there. I'm still dedicated to finishing this story, I promise.   
> Also! This chapter marks the beginning of the detective work :eyes:  
> I can't wait for you all to read what's to come!  
> Thank you for your patience, and I really hope that you enjoy!
> 
> Chapter title comes from "We Popped the Moon" by Oliver Riot

The tram ride back to Even’s house is silent. It’s not a comfortable silence, and it’s not an awkward silence either. It’s somewhere between two thousand kilos heavy and crushing on Even’s shoulders.

He can tell that Lea is deep in thought, staring out the window. As they get closer to Grefsen, to Even’s neighbourhood, he can tell that Lea recognizes it all.

When they finally step into the threshold of Even’s house, or, Lea’s childhood home, he can feel the distinct change in mood.

Even feels everything that the house, that  _ Isak  _ feels. He feels the anxiety, the fear of the unknown, and of course, he feels the happiness. Typically, Isak is happy whenever Even comes home, but this is different. This feels much older, much more more nostalgic. Even likes to think that Isak knows who it is, despite the twenty years, and different realms that separate them.

“Fuck,” Lea breathes, trailing her eyes around the foyer in awe. Even and his family haven’t even touched the house, let alone had the time to do any renovations, and so he reckons that it’s probably exactly the same that it was when Lea lived there all those years ago.

“I can imagine that it’s weird,” Even says, as he motions for her to come into the house properly, taking off his shoes at the doorway lazily, not even bothering to untie his laces.

“It feels like I was just here yesterday,” she says, taking her own shoes off in the same lazy fashion as Even. “It feels like he’s still alive.”

Even looks at her for a second, because he knows exactly what she means. The longer that Even has lived here, the more lively Isak’s spirit has felt. That in itself is a completely ridiculous thing to say, considering that Isak is dead. However, something feels different now. Maybe it’s because he’s gotten Vilde, Sana, and now Lea involved. Perhaps, it’s Even. 

Whatever the case, something feels different now. 

“Follow me,” Even says, motioning for towards the direction of his bedroom, or rather, Isak’s bedroom. Then again, he’s pretty certain that Lea already knows the way. Still, however, she allows Even to lead the way.

Right away upon entering his bedroom, he spots the Ouija board on his bed, unmoving. On any other day, Even would feel ashamed upon showing a virtual stranger the fact that he likes to speak to ghosts on the reg, but he finds that now, he doesn’t even care.

He bypasses his bed completely, and leads Lea over towards the dusty boxes which now reside in the left hand corner of his bedroom.

“The bed hasn’t even changed,” Lea whispers, reaching out to run her hand along the footboard. “They just left it here.”

“This was Isak’s bed?” Even asks, not too surprised. It makes sense that Isak died on the bed, seeing as Isak seemed to have such an intense connection to it. Maybe that’s why Isak has stayed this long. Maybe he’s stuck here. Even doesn’t allow himself to get stuck on that thought for too long.

“This was it,” Lea confirms, sighing out into the silence of the room heavily. “This is surreal.”

“What about this?” Even asks, taking the lid off the top box of the pile and handing Lea the first picture of the pile. 

The picture appears to be of Isak and Jonas, maybe twelve years old. They’re out in the backyard, both with skateboard’s in hand, and helmets on their heads. Jonas is smiling, and there appears to be the skeleton of a smile on Isak’s face. Even doesn’t think, out of this entire collection of Isak’s life, that he’s ever seen Isak truly smile.

“Mamma took that picture,” Lea sighs, her eyes wide and glued to the picture. “He and Jonas used to be inseparable.”

Even reaches into the box again to grab more pictures, and hands them over to Lea.

One by one, she looks at the pictures of her dead brother, smiling at the ridiculous ones along the way. She is silent all throughout, but Even allows her to have her moment. 

In a strange way, Lea is being reunited with her brother. Even closes his eyes for a moment, and sits down at the edge of his bed. He places the palms of his hands on his knees, and allows himself to take deep breaths, and fully allows the feeling in his chest to fully blossom. 

Slowly, but surely, Isak makes himself known. 

Even is hit with a flurry of emotions all at once. Anger, sadness, and grief are all there, sure. There is also completely unadulterated joy. Even hasn’t felt something this strong in a very long time.

When the radio turns on, Even’s eyes fly open. He turns his attention, silently begging Isak to calm down for a second before scaring the absolute shit out of his sister. However, Even also understands Isak’s excitement.

 

_ “Let me speak with her.” _

 

The radio shuts off, and Lea’s head snaps up from her trip to memory lane.

“What the fuck?” she asks with a nervous chuckle, putting the photos delicately on her lap for a second to look at Even. “If your radio broken or something?”

“Uh, not broken,” Even says, grimacing slightly. “That wasn’t my radio.”

“What was it then?”

“Okay, you’re going to think I’m totally crazy,” Even says, and then winces at his own choice of words. 

“I don’t think you’re crazy, “ Lea replies, to which it dawns upon Even that his manager actually has a little knowledge of Even’s past with mental illness.

“Okay, well,” Even concedes, racking his brain for anyway to say this without making her mad. “Not crazy. But uh, I promise I’m not taking the piss, okay?”

“Okay?” Lea repeats, motioning with a confused shrug for Even to continue.

“That wasn’t my radio, or, well, not really,” Even says, speaking slowly, carefully choosing every word. “It was your brother.”

“Even,” Lea sighs, releasing the tension in her shoulders. Luckily, she doesn’t look mad. “My brother died in 1995.”

“You’re right,” Even agrees, standing up once more to grab the Ouija board at the other end of his bed. “Just hear me out, okay? So me and some friends were fucking around- pardon my french- and made a Ouija board just for fun, right? When something actually began to talk back to us, I thought that my friends were just playing a joke on me. But then I tried it again when I was alone, and-”

“Even,” Lea interrupts, sighing once more. She isn’t mad. She appears completely exhausted, in a way that Even has never seen her before.

“I know it sounds stupid,” Even says, placing the board and planchette in front of her. “Please believe me, though. I’m not some asshole that would try and tell someone that her dead brother was a spirit that could speak to me from beyond the grave if I truly didn’t believe it, okay? You  _ know  _ me, I could never do that to someone.”

“I don’t really know what to say,” Lea says, looking at the board in disbelief. “I do believe that you’re a good guy, Even. You’re polite, a hard-worker, and you’re easily one of my most reliable employees, but this is different.”

“I know,” Even agrees, but he still points to the Ouija board again. “You can call my bluff, okay? You can say that I’m full of shit and that I’m just some asshole who is taking advantage of your suffering. Please, just try it once? I won’t do anything, I won’t even touch the board.”

Lea holds up her hands in surrender, and then cautiously, puts her fingers on the planchette.

“Hey, Isak,” Even calls out into the room, twisting his hands nervously in his lap. “I know you know who this is. If you want, I can leave the room, but I just want you to hear what she has to say, okay?”

 

_ O-K-A-Y _

 

The words appear hasty and jerky, like Isak had built up his energy in order to talk to his sister. Lea rears back in surprise, looking down at the board and blinking her eyes, as if she didn’t see it properly the first time.

 

_ L-E-A _

 

“Faen,” Lea swears, her eyes spilling over with tears for the umpteenth time that day. Until now, they had been tears of sorrow, falling from her eyes from pure grief. Now, however, they are tears of happiness. Even knows that the pain of losing her brother still resides, it always will. Perhaps, though, he can still have a voice.

“Isak?” she whispers, wiping away at her tears frantically with her spare hand. She leans forward to read what Isak has to say.

 

_ Yes _

 

“I don’t believe this,” Lea chuckles, her eyes widening, and head shaking back and forth repeatedly. “How are you still here?”

 

_ N-E-V-E-R-L-E-F-T _

 

“You’ve been here the whole time,” Lea repeats, more to herself than to Even. “And I fucked off and left you alone with mom and dad.” 

 

T-H-E-Y-L-E-F-T-T-O-O 

 

“Mom and dad moved out after you died,” Lea says, furrowing her brows together. “I can’t believe I even just said that, like, I’m speaking to him as if he’s actually here.”

“He is actually here,” Even interjects, to which Lea startles a little, almost as if she’d forgotten where she was. “He wants to be heard, I can feel it.”

“What, are you some sort of medium or something?” Lea asks, with a slight twinge of a teasing tone. “How did you manage to even talk to him?” 

“He came to me,” Even replies simply, and then nods his head downwards to the ouija board, and the planchette, which has begun moving underneath Lea’s finger tips. 

 

_ F-R-I-E-N-D _

 

“He’s my friend,” Even confirms, unable to keep the smile off of his face.

If Lea finds this weird, she doesn’t let it on. 

“You should tell him what you know,” Even prompts gently, meeting Lea’s green eyes once more, open and honest. 

“Right.” Lea takes in a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and begins.

“It all happened kind of fast,” she says, looking down at the board, as if waiting to see if Isak will say anything, as if not wanting to miss a single word from her brother. 

“I remember specifically coming home from work one day, wanting to tell you about this cute boy that I’d met, because you were always really supportive of me,” she continues. “Mom and dad never wanted you and I to date anyone, but we always told each other this kind of stuff. Well, I thought we did.”

Lea sighs, biting her lip apprehensively.

“I know that Mamma got suffocating sometimes, especially when the episodes got really bad, and I understand why you always snuck out at night.” She pauses for a second, and lets out a small chuckle. “I thought you were just with Jonas or something, so I never confronted you about it, but I knew that you went out every night. So, you can understand just how confused I was when I came home from work that day, and Pappa told me that you had cancer.”

Even frowns, unable to stop himself from imagining the scene; this man, the man who gave his genes in order for these children to be born, lied to them. He let his own son die. 

“I was confused, because I knew that you were getting sick,” Lea continues, wiping the stray tear from her cheek. “But I thought you were just really stressed out. I didn’t realize just how sick you were until the last time I saw you.”

She chokes on her sob, and Even’s own heart breaks. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears from falling down his own cheeks.

“You were so fucking weak, Isak,” she murmurs, shaking her head. “I was going into your room to tell you that I was going to get you to the hospital, and then Pappa came in and told me to get out. I was so fucking mad at him, because I couldn’t even fathom why they weren’t  _ doing  _ anything. So, I went to the kitchen, and I saw something I shouldn’t have.”

Lea stops, looking back down at the planchette, but it doesn’t move.

“I saw the test results, Isak,” she whispers, and even though Even already knows this, he can’t help but feel like he’s intruding on a very private moment. However, when Lea looks back up at Even, a pleading look in her eyes, he knows that she wants him to stay.

“I know that you had HIV.”

The room falls.

Or rather, Even’s stomach falls. He feels  _ everything.  _

Isak is a cacophony of overwhelming emotions; water boiling to the surface much too fast, over the pot, onto the stovetop. Even tries to sop up the mess with tea towels, but the damage has already been done. The anger, the fear, the sadness, and most notably, the absolute crushing and overwhelming guilt burn Even’s skin at 100° Celcius, ugly, raw, and scathing. 

“I tried to save you,” Lea says, the words low and stuck in her throat, like the sobs that threaten to escape. “I don’t  _ care  _ that you’re gay, Isak. You’re my fucking baby brother, and you deserve love. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t save you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t even give you the chance to love anyone. I owed that to you,  _ I  _ was supposed to protect you, and I couldn’t-”

 

_ L-E-A _

 

“Yes?” she chokes out, the exhale catching in her throat.

 

_ J-E-G-E-L-S-K-E-R-D-E-G _

 

“I love you, so much,” Lea replies, sniffling, wiping the back of her hand across her nose. “And I’m so sorry that I couldn’t save you.”

 

_ I-H-A-V-E-E-V-E-N _

 

“You have Even,” Lea says, reading out the words slowly as they’re revealed. “And I have the feeling that the feeling is mutual.”

  
  
  
  


“Thank you, so incredibly much,” Lea murmurs as her and Even share a hug at the doorway. She seems tired, if the tear-stained and blotchy, red face are anything to go by, but she has a smile on her face. 

“You’re very welcome,” Even replies, rubbing her back soothingly. She is much shorter than Even, and so the hug is a little stilted, but neither of them care. 

“Please, give me updates on him,” she says as they pull away, and reaches down to grab her shoes.

“Are you kidding?” Even exclaims, halting her movements for a second. “You can come visit him anytime, you’re always welcome here.”

“Seriously?” Lea chuckles tiredly, as she pulls on her final shoe. “Anytime?”

“Anytime.”

  
  
  
  


**To: Vilde Lien, Sana Bakkoush**

 

**Even:** _ Halla, jenter. Just wanted to give you a little update on our friend. Came to the realization today that my boss, Lea, is Isak’s older sister. I invited her over and she got the chance to talk to him, it was so awesome. Do you have any updates on Jonas at all? _

 

**Vilde:** _ Hei, Even! I was able to find some older yearbooks with Isak in them! Apparently, Mr. Dahl was friends with him, and so he lent me a bunch of his old yearbooks. And I’m so happy to hear that Isak got to talk to his sister again, I really hope that helped him a little bit! _

 

**Even:** _ I hope so! And awesome, I’d love to see those yearbooks sometime! Sana, got anything? _

 

**Sana:** _ Found a Jonas Noah Vasquez in the yellow pages, I think that’s him. If you want, I could pass his number onto you, and you could give him a call? I don’t really think I’d even know what to tell him to be honest. _

 

**Even:** _ Let’s give it a shot! Should we also meetup tomorrow or something to touch bases? If you want, I can also invite the boys, because I’ve kind of been ignoring them lately, and I think they’re curious haha. _

 

**Vilde:** _ Yes, let’s meet up! KB again? And also, I’m totally down to see all them boys again! _

 

**Sana:** _ No worries, I’ll let Elias know. Will Yousef be there as well? _

 

**Even:** _ Was planning on inviting him, yes. Why? _

 

**Sana:** _ No reason. Jonas’ number is +47 3749 8902. _

 

**Even:** _ haha okay, I’ll give him a call then. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hallo?” says a voice, male, slightly crackly through the speakers of Even’s phone.

“Uh,” Even freezes for a second, his heart pounding something fierce in his chest. “Is this Jonas?”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“We’ve never met,” Even says, and then curses himself. “I mean, uh, we have a mutual friend. My name is Even.”

“Okay?” Jonas says, the exasperation palpable in his voice. “Who is our mutual friend, then?”

“Isak Valtersen.”

Even holds his breath as the voice on the phone pauses, and then-

“This is a joke, right?” Jonas says, in disbelief, but still managing to be sharp. “You’re fucking with me? Because this is the worst fucking-”

“No wait!” Even says desperately, shaking his head in order to set his thoughts straight. “This isn’t a joke. My name is Even Bech Næsheim, and I’ve just moved into the old house of Isak and Lea Valtersen. Some pictures were left behind of Isak, and you were in some of them. I guess I just wanted to meet up with you and show you them? You don’t have to, or anything, just like, I feel really bad because someone left behind all these photos of him, and I feel like you deserve them more than I do-”

“Wait,” Jonas says, interrupting Even before he can embarrass himself even more. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“Yes?” Even replies, however, it’s more of a question.

“Could you tell me?” 

And,  _ what? _

“What?” Even verbalizes, not even bothering to hide his utter dumbfoundedness.

“Can you tell me?” Jonas repeats, and then lets out a long sigh. “No one fucking told me anything, and then suddenly, my best friend was dead. I’ve been in the dark for over twenty years.”

“In that case, we really need to meet up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also! JONAS' PHONE NUMBER IS NOT REAL AND PLEASE DO NOT CALL IT. I JUST SMASHED A FEW NUMBERS AND STUCK ON THE NORWAY COUNTRY CODE. PLEASE DONT SCARE ANY POOR NORWEGIAN CITIZEN AND DONT SUE PLS THANKS 
> 
> Thank you for reading <3 Kudos and comments feed my soul <3


	7. Leave but Don't Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak won’t be forgotten. Even won’t let that happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!!  
> I just would like to say that I sat down to write this and suddenly I had an update that was 5k! I gotta say, as much as this chapter advances the plot, I'm not too fond of it! Way too much dialogue tires me out ahahhahaha. That being said, I can't just write sad shit all the time haha, so, as promised some mystery :eyes:  
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Chapter title comes from Breathe by Pink Floyd (bc im a piece of shit who only knows the popular songs vdbxjf)

**To: Guttaaaaaa (13:23)**

 

**Even:** _ Halla gutta, sorry it’s been awhile, but I have a lot of updates on our little ghost friend. Okay, so first of all, his full name is Isak. Second of all, I’ve spoken to both Sana and Vilde, and they’re trying to help him out. Third of all, Lea, my manager is his sister and was able to talk to him and get a little bit of closure, which was nice. Lastly, I was able to find some old pictures of him in the attic, and I’ve contacted one of his friends that was in a bunch of the pictures. I have so many more things to tell you, but honestly, I’d rather Isak tell you some of them himself. _

 

**Adam:** _ HOLY SHIT EVEN THIS IS AWESOME _

 

**Mutta:** _ bro, i can’t believe you managed to figure out this much on this dude _

 

**Even:** _ To be fair, a lot of the stuff was stuff that he told me himself, and also with the help of Sana and Vilde, who are, by the way, totally in tune with this sort of stuff. _

 

**Elias:** _ bro what did you do with my baby sister? _

 

**Yousef:** _ she’s not a baby, Elias. She can handle herself  _

 

**Even:** _ haha of course youd say that yousef _

 

**Mikael:** _ *whip noises* _

 

**Even:** _ Mikael!!! What do you think of all this? _

 

**Yousef:** _ wait why is there a whip? _

 

**Mutta:** _ bro… _

 

**Mikeal:** _ I think thats awesome, Even. I would love to talk to Isak again if he’d like that.  _

 

**Even:** _ I’m sure he’d be happy to see you! _

 

**Elias:** _ okay, but like, beyond the fact that you and my little sister are scheming, what exactly do you want to happen? Like, you can’t bring him back to life or anything. _

 

**Adam:** _ His spirit is still alive though _

 

**Even:** _ You’re both right. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea what we’re going to do. I guess just give Isak and the people in his life some closure? Idk _

 

**Mikael:** _ Okay I know we gave you shit for it last time, but I think I need to ask this. Do you have feelings for him? I mean, you know what he looks like? _

 

**Even:** _ Mik, are you serious? _

 

**Mikael:** _ What? I’m just looking out for you! I don’t want you to fall for this guy and then be heartbroken when he “goes into the light” or whatever. _

 

**Mutta:** _ Who says that he’s going into the light? _

 

**Even:** _ I don’t know what the fuck will happen, dude. My feelings for him are irrelevant. I just wanna help him out, and I would really appreciate all your help too. _

 

**Mutta:** _ Of course we’ll help you! _

 

**Adam:** _ I’m totally down _

 

**Yousef:** _ if Sana’s there, and she thinks it’s okay then I’ll help you out _

 

**Even:** _ wow you really are whipped _

 

**Yousef:** _ haha shut up _

 

**Elias:** _ I was going to help you, but now I have to be there to keep Sana safe _

 

**Even:** _ I know you said that Sana was a skeptic, but you know that she’s really in tune with these things? I think she can handle herself. _

 

**Elias:** _ dude let me prove my masculinity _

 

**Even:** _ haha okay dude! _

_          Mikael? _

 

**Mikael:** _ Someone’s gotta keep you safe, Even. Count me the hell in! _

 

**Even:** _ Faen I love you guys <3 _

 

**Mutta:** _ Online group hug! _

 

**Adam:** _ we love you too bud! So then, what’s the plan? _

 

**Even:** _ Us and the girls meet up at KB after my shift tomorrow? We can all head over to my place after and talk to Isak. I just hope that he doesn’t get too overwhelmed with all the people  _

 

**Elias:** _ We’ll stay calm, promise. _

 

**Yousef:** _ Hey Even, what happens if we can bring him back to life? _

 

**Even:** _ You can’t bring the dead back to life. _

 

**Yousef:** _ Maybe not, but then again, you also didn’t believe in ghosts last month. Maybe the rules that we’ve always known don’t apply here. _

 

**Adam:** _ Personally, I’m rooting for Evak. _

 

**Even:** _ Evak? _

 

**Mikael:** _ It’s Adam’s ship name for you two, I think? I ship it too, by the way. _

 

**Even:** _ Well thanks haha, but I have no idea what will happen if we can somehow bring him back. I guess we’ll just have to see. Today I’m meeting up with Jonas, though, Isak’s old friend.  _

 

**Elias:** _ Holy fuck dude! Let’s hope this guy is chill _

 

**Even:** _ He seemed chill over the phone, considering the fact that a stranger told him that he wanted to talk to him about his deceased best friend.  _

 

**Yousef:** _ Just be cool, dude. I’m sure it’ll be fine _

 

**Even:** _ Here’s hoping! I gotta go now to meet up with him, but I’ll see you all tomorrow at KB? _

 

**Elias:** _ You got it. _

 

**Adam:** _ Let’s solve this mystery! _

 

**Mikael:** _ Does this make us detectives? _

 

**Mutta:** _ haha I think so? _

 

**Even:** _ You guys are ridiculous. Vi snakkes <3 _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Even takes a deep breath, the artificially cooled air of his KB filling his lungs, filling him with false hope. Even doesn’t know why he’d asked Jonas to meet him at his work. Maybe it’s because Even gets free drinks. Mostly, though, it’s probably because the strange second home provides a pleasant sense of comfort to him. Perhaps it’s all in Even’s head. Then again, what isn’t in Even head?

“Excuse me?” Says a voice behind Even, to which he turns around. 

He meets the blue eyes of a man, his face a little worn thanks to age and stress, but with the exact same brown curls that Even has familiarized himself with.  _ Jonas. _

“Are you Even?” Jonas asks, squinting his eyes slightly, his posture rigid, as if getting ready to book it at any point.

“Yes!” Even exclaims, standing up from his chair and sticking out a hand for Jonas to shake. “You’re Jonas?”

To Even’s relief, Jonas shakes Even’s hand and nods.

“That’s me,” he says, letting go of Even’s hand in order to walk around the other side of the table to sit down. “How did you find me?”

Even bites his lip, and then reaches down into his bag, and grabs the photos that he’d brought with him.

“I found your phone number in the yellow pages,” Even explains, as he arranges the pictures for Jonas to look at on the table. “But this is how I knew that you existed.”

“Fuck,” Jonas breathes, reaching out gingerly in order to pick up the picture closest to him. “Where the hell did you even find these?”

“In the attic,” Even replies, careful to leave Isak out of it. “A bunch of these were left behind, and you were in a lot of them.”

“I’d forgotten that she’d taken so many photos of us,” Jonas whispers, raising his brows in disbelief as he takes in the imagine of himself and Isak. “I can’t believe these were left behind.”

“I know it’s none of my business,” Even starts, not even caring that Jonas doesn’t even seem to be paying attention to him, seemingly too entranced with the photos. “But I can’t help but feel bad for everything that I find out about this. Fuck, I hadn’t even been born yet or anything. But I’ve looked into Isak, even online. There’s nothing about him, not even articles about his death or anything.”

“No, you wouldn’t find anything,” Jonas says, quietly, setting down the photo back onto the table. “Everything was kept quiet. He died so suddenly, that no one knew what to think.”

“I’m really sorry about your friend,” Even says, and when he finally meets Jonas’ eyes, he sees the sorrow deep inside of them. “I know it was a long time ago, but still.”

“Sometimes, I feel like he’s still here,” Jonas chuckles, shaking his head minutely. “Even though it’s been twenty years, I still feel the urge to turn to him and tell him something funny, or make stupid comments like I always used to. Is that weird?”

“I don’t think so,” Even muses, the corner of his lips slightly upturned.

“I guess I just haven’t been able to accept that he’s gone completely,” Jonas says, and then looks down once more. “You know that he never had a funeral?”

Even freezes, almost as if he’d just swallowed a large ice cube and then had been forced to choke it down his esophagus.  _ What? _

“What?” Even asks aloud, unable to stringe any other words together.

“Nothing,” Jonas confirms, sniffling subtly. “One day he was there, and then he was suddenly gone, and we we’re told to forget about him.”

“What do you know about his death?” Even wonders, because he definitely doesn’t want to assume. He just wants, no,  _ needs,  _ to hear Jonas’ side of this.

“Nothing much, really,” Jonas shrugs, almost as if he’s trying to be nonchalant, but misses by a landslide. “His dad told me that he had cancer, and that it came on really suddenly. All I remember is that he’d been sick on and off for a few months, with stomach bugs and stuff, and then he just stopped showing up to school.”

“I can’t even imagine…” Even trails off, but considering the distant gleam in Jonas’ eyes, he doesn’t think that Jonas even heard him, too lost in his memories.

“He had a bit of a difficult home life, I knew that,” Jonas continues, sniffing again, this time, but less subtly. “After the fourth day of him not coming to school and not answering the phone, I went ‘round to his place. His dad opened the door, and told me that Isak had cancer, and that he was unable to talk to anyone. I think I knew right away that it was bullshit. If Isak, had cancer, his parents would’ve done anything and everything to help him. Terje and Marianne were strict, yes, but they weren’t cruel. Either way, he refused to answer any of my questions, and shut the door in my face. I went to Isak’s place everyday after school, and I sat outside, because no one would let me in. I didn’t understand what was happening to my best friend. Then, one day, Marianne walks out, see’s me sitting on the curb, and tells me that ‘ Only God can judge him now,’ and I knew. He was dead.”

A lone tear rolls down Jonas’ eye, and he wipes at it hastily.

“That’s all I know,” he says, looking back up to meet Even’s eyes, which admittedly, aren’t dry either. “But you know more?”

Even hesitates for a second, and Jonas must sense it, because he leans forward, and quiets his voice to a hushed whisper.

“Please, Even,” he says, his eyes large and swimming with sorrow. “I just want to know that happened to him.”

“Will you come with me to his house again?” Even asks instead. “I want to show you something, and it might seem a little crazy, but please just trust me.”

“Will it explain how he died?” Jonas asks, leaning back against his chair once more. “Because honestly, I think I’ll believe anything over whatever bullshit his parents told me.”

“It will,” Even says, internally crossing his fingers that Isak will actually open up. “At least, I hope so.”

“Let’s go then.”

  
  
  
  
  


This time, they actually take Jonas’ car, which is a strange occurrence for Oslo. Even figures that Jonas must make a decent amount of money if he can afford to live in the city and own a car. Fucking adults.

Even doesn’t need to give any directions either, because Jonas knows all the twists and turns of the neighbourhood. At some points, he even takes shortcuts that Even didn’t even know had existed.

They exit the car together, rather hastily, and Even looks to Jonas as the man takes in his former best friends’ old house once more.

“Nothings changed, man,” Jonas says, chuckling a little as he shakes his head in disbelief.

“I only just moved here,” Even responds, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t think we want to do any renovations anyways.”

“Please don’t,” Jonas replies, looking away from Even as they begin to walk towards the front door, oddly slow.

“C’mon,” Even says, motioning for Jonas to follow behind him. 

Even unlocks the front door quickly, and holds it open for the older man.

Jonas steps into the threshold slowly, taking in his surroundings, and breathes deeply.

“I felt like I was just here yesterday,” he says, moving out of the way for Even to trudge through the hallway, like he’s done hundreds of times already.

“I’ve heard that one before,” Even replies, motioning for Jonas to follow him, only half-joking.

“Have you?”

“Yeah,” Even says as they reach the doorway to Even’s room, and he turns around. “I met with Lea the other day. She’s my manager.”

“No shit, eh?” Jonas says, raising his bushy eyebrows. “I haven’t spoken to her in such a long time! How is she?”

“She’s doing alright,” Even replies, smiling slightly at the memory from yesterday. “I can give you her number if you’d like. For now though, I’m sure you’ve seen this room before?”

“I have,” Jonas sighs, training his eyes up and down the wooden door panels. “I don’t even know what to expect right now, to be honest with you.”

“Just uh,” Even hesitates, turning the doorknob slowly. “Have an open mind I guess? And please don’t call me crazy.”

“Like I said,” Jonas replies, peering past Even’s form and into the sliver of the room that is exposed. “I think I’ll believe just about anything you tell me, so long if it isn’t that bullshit that Terje told me.”

“Right.” 

Even opens the door fully and walks inside without another question. As he allows Jonas to take in his surroundings, Even sends a silent prayer that Isak won’t be too scared to show himself. He wants Isak to have this.

As if on cue, as if Isak read his mind, the radio bursts to life.

 

_ “Halla.” _

 

It shuts off, and Jonas turns towards Even, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Your radio broken or something?” he asks, walking towards Even’s bedside table. “I can fix it for you if you’d like, I’m pretty decent with electronics.”

 

_ “Not… Broken.” _

Jonas recoils from the clock, and turns back to Even. The expression on his is almost unreadable.

“That was Isak’s alarm clock,” Jonas says slowly, and Even puts his hands in his pockets, his posture as sheepish as possible. “Why is it speaking to me?”

“I told you to have an open mind?” Even replies, shrugging his shoulders as Jonas furrows his brows even more.

“What the fuck?” Jonas murmurs under his breath, turning back to the radio, jumping slightly as the static bursts to life once more.

 

_ “It’s.... me.” _

 

“Who?”

 

“It’s Isak,” Even replies, because he knows that Isak won’t be able to answer that one. “Please don’t call me crazy. I think he just wants to talk to you.”   
“What the fuck?” Jonas repeats, his nose crinkled up. “What kind of bullshit is this? You’re telling me that my dead best friend is trying to talk to me from  _ ‘beyond the grave’?  _ Who does that?”

“No wait!” Even jumps into action as Jonas begins to walk towards the door, obviously fed up. “You can talk to Lea and she’ll tell you the exact same thing! We both know how he died, and I could’ve told you on the phone, or at KB, but I didn’t want to. For whatever reason, the minute that I moved into this place, Isak made sure to make his presence known. He’s told me so much about himself, and that’s the thing,  _ it’s his story to tell.  _ I’m not going to take that away from him!”

“He’s dead, Even!” Jonas exclaims, throwing his arms up into the air in exasperation. “He’s been dead for over twenty years, he doesn’t  _ have  _ a voice anymore! He lost his voice the minute that he got sick! And yeah okay, I’m grateful that you were able to share these pictures of him with me, but that’s all they are.  _ They’re just memories. _ My fucking best friend died and he’s probably somewhere rotten in the earth! He isn’t here any-”

 

_ “I’m here.” _

 

“That’s a neat little trick, you know?” Jonas laughs loudly, cruelly. “Wiring the radio to try and trick me?”

“Jonas,” Even pleads, unable to stop the tears from forming in his eyes. “I promise, I’m not doing anything to trick you! I don’t know how else to convince you of this, but I’m not going to do this to Isak!”

“Do what?” 

 

_ “Gay.” _

 

“That,” Even whispers, finally letting the tears fall. He doesn’t even understand why he’s crying. With a jolt, he realizes that maybe, these are Isak’s emotions coming to the forefront of Even’s face, making themselves known.

“Gay?” Jonas looks down, wiping away his own angry tears, of which Even hadn’t even realized were there. “He was gay?”

“Yeah,” Even confirms, to which Jonas breathes out loudly, and wipes away another round of tears. “I didn’t want to out him like that.”

“How come he never told me?” Jonas whispers, shaking his head as he wrings with his hands nervously. “I’ve never had a problem with that.”

 

_ “Scared.” _

 

“Scared of what?”

 

_ “Alone.” _

 

Jonas sobs in his throat, and then clears it immediately after, sending Even a sheepish gaze.

“Okay, I believe you,” he says, his voice hoarse, defeated. 

“Here,” Even clears his own hoarse throat, and motions for them to sit down on the end of the bed. Jonas follows him, and then sits down heavily.

“Isak,” Even calls out into the room. “Can I tell him the rest, or do you want to do it?”

 

_ “You.” _

 

“Tell me what?” Jonas asks, having finally wiped away the remnants of his tears.

“You were right, you know,” Even says instead, and then takes a deep breath to continue when Jonas gives him another confused look. “He didn’t die of cancer, that was just a cover-up from his parents.”

“I knew it,” Jonas sighs, shaking his head in disbelief, as if he couldn’t even fathom it. “How did he die, then?”

“He- wait, I can show you,” Even says, standing up and walking over to the bedside table and opening the top drawer. He grabs the paper on the top, the one that changed just about everything, and hands it to Jonas.

Jonas takes the paper without a word, and unfolds it.

It takes Jonas about two second to read the document, before he throws it out of his hands as if being burned. Even watches as the paper floats down to the ground, light and weightless. Something that is more than ironic, considering just how heavy its contents are.

“Fuck!” Jonas shouts, running a stressed hand through his curls and tugging them. “This is beyond fucked up.”

“It is,” Even agrees, sitting back on the edge of the bed once more, placing his hands on his knees. 

“So he had HIV,” Jonas says, to which Even nods in confirmation. “And he wasn’t given treatment?”

“No,” Even replies, shaking his head. “His parents wouldn’t let him. Lea tried to help, but she got there too late.”

“And so did I.”

Even sighs, and the two sit in silence for a beat.

“You know what,” Even says, standing up from his spot once more, and hastily grabbing the cardboard Ouija board. “I have a Ouija board that you can use to speak to Isak. I’ll let you two catch-up and I’m going to go to the kitchen and make some tea. Do you want anything?”

“No thanks,” Jonas says quietly, taking the Ouija board from Even’s outstretched hand and placing it down on the bed in front of himself. 

“Okay, just holler if you need me,” Even replies, and then walks slowly over to the door to let himself out.

“Hey, Even?”

“Yeah?” Even turns around, meeting Jonas’ eyes again.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Even opens the door, and lets Isak have this. He lets Isak have the one thing that he’s never had; a chance to speak for himself.

  
  
  


Despite the walls that separate them, Even feels everything, right in his lungs. It takes his breath away, just how strong Isak is. Isak, who is so incredibly scared and alone, just came out to his best friend. Even knows that it’s scary to come out, but it’s entirely different with Isak. Being gay was Isak’s biggest secret, just like being bipolar once was to Even. This is Isak’s shame, repressed for too long. And like a flame held to a match, the smoke burned, and seeped through the walls of Isak’s room. It choked Even when he first moved in, smothered him, made him experience all of Isak’s pain. After a while, however, he learned to live with it. The thing is, Isak doesn’t live with it.  _ Isak is not alive. _

Even doesn’t know why he has such a hard time believing it. Perhaps it’s the pictures, the moments frozen in time, with the cute kid with the curly blonde hair and reserved smile. It’s the way that Isak talks now, uninhibited around Even, but only because he knows that he is safe. Even can’t even imagine how it must’ve been for Isak growing up, unable to truly express himself. This is beyond being gay, or even the HIV. This is Isak’s entire being, repressed and crushed down to a fine grain of salt for a short seventeen years, and then, forgotten.

Isak won’t be forgotten. Even won’t let that happen again.

  
  
  
  
  


“Did you know that there are  _ nine  _ different amino acids in the brains of cockroa-”

“Yousef, it’s antibiotic molecules,” Sana teases, her dimples on full display. 

They make an odd group, the eight of them all walking on various sides of the road on their way to Even’s house.

Elias, Mutta, and Vilde are at the front, joking around, if Vilde’s high pitched giggles are anything to go by. Mikael and Adam take the middle, walking side by side, arm by arm. Even doesn’t think that he sees any single bit of space between them. He, Yousef, and Sana take up the rear, which means that Even has to endure the awkward and tentative flirty smiles. As much as Even would love to scoff and shake his head at the two lovebirds beside him, he really can’t. Even’s been there once before, he really can’t judge. Besides, considering that Mutta and Adam seem to think that Even’s in love with Isak, he really can’t complain.

Instead, Even walks alongside his two friends silently. That is, until Sana nudges his arm.

“You okay?” She asks, her brown eyes soft and wide. Her smile could warm even the coldest of souls, truly.

“Yeah, I think so,” Even replies, training his gaze on his best friends who are walking in front of him.

“You think so?” Sana repeats, curious.

“I don’t know,” Even shrugs, looking down at his old runners that slap on the pavement. “You know that I met up with Jonas yesterday, and it went okay. He and Isak talked, and he’s willing to help us out in anyway that he can.”

“What’s the problem, then?” Sana wonders, shrugging her own shoulders. On Even’s left, Yousef makes a noncommittal noise of agreement.

“There’s no problem with that, I guess,” Even replies, looking to Sana, and then to Yousef, who simply want to listen to him. “It’s just, Jonas said something in the heat of the moment, and I haven’t been able to get my mind off of it since. Sana, all we have of Isak are memories, and that’s all we’ll ever get. I don’t really know what we’re doing here.”

“We’re bringing him back,” Sana replies instantly, and then completely stops walking, and shakes her head.

“What?” Yousef asks, sharply, as he stops alongside Sana. “What do you mean?”

“I- I don’t know,” Sana says, biting her lip. She looks to Even with a pleading gaze, but Even says nothing. He couldn’t even if he tried.

The others in front of them seem to have noticed the commotion behind them, and slowly, but surely, walk  back towards their friends.

“Sana,” Even says, slowly, because the gaze that Sana is sending him right now is something akin to a frightened cat, ready to bolt at any moment, hairs on its back raised. “Isak mentioned something, the day that you met him. I’ve done a little bit of research, and I’ve asked Isak, but he doesn’t really know much.”

“You’re talking about Thanatos?” Vilde pipes up next to Elias. Even turns to her, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

“You remember that?” Even asks, to which Vilde flushes, training her blue eyes to the concrete.

“Yeah!” She replies, and despite her blush, she appears oddly confident. “Isak mentioned it right before Sana fainted in your bedroom and-”

“Sana fainted in your bedroom!?” Elias exclaims, puffing up his chest in protection, reaching out for his sister. 

Sana allows him to wrap his arm around her shoulders, and relaxes back into him. She appears weary well beyond her years.

“Yes,” Even says carefully, bracing himself for the attack of ‘Angry Elias’. “Apparently she was able to let Isak show her something when she did that.”

“I asked him to do it,” Sana says dazedly, shaking her head. “It’s okay, Elias.”

“So then, who’s this  _ ‘Thanatos’?” _ Mikael says, his arm wrapped loosely around Adam’s shoulders.

“He’s the Greek God of Death,” Even replies, as Vilde nods in confirmation. “I have no idea what this has to do with Sana, though.”

“Death…” Sana trails off, and then to Even’s horror, her eyes roll to the back of her head, and she collapses completely against her brother.

“Sana!” he cries, wrapping his arms fully around her shoulders, sinking to the ground in order to support her to the ground.

“What the fuck?” Yousef says, blinking his eyes, hard, as if not believing his eyes.

Before anyone else can say anything, Sana gasps awake, her eyes opening wide.

Even crouches down next to her, and looks her in the eyes. Everyone else tunes out. He knows that behind him, the boys are freaking out, to which he is reminded that they’ve never seen this side of Sana before.

Vilde crouches next to him, and places a gentle hand on Sana’s shoulder.

“What did you see?” She asks, rubbing her thumb gently along her best friends arm.

“I saw…” Sana swallows audibly, furrowing her brows in confusion. “A bar?”

“A bar?” Even repeats, looking over to Vilde, who simply shrugs her shoulders. 

“London, something like that,” Sana says, resting her head back against her brothers chest, as if too tired to hold it up herself. 

“Are you talking about London Pub?” Mikael asks, and everyone turns towards him. “It’s a pretty historic gay bar in Oslo, on Hambros plass 5. It’s been around for like, thirty years or something.”

“How did you even know that?” Adam whispers to Mikael.

“Ever since I came out, I’ve done some research,” Mikael shrugs sheepishly, smiling slightly. “Either way, do you think that was it, Sana?”

“I think so,” she replies, her voice tired and weak. Next to her, Yousef lets out a noise of distress. “There was a drag queen there, so.”

“What exactly did you see?” Even wonders, settling himself back, and fully sitting on the concrete.

“Just the words  _ ‘London’  _ on the sign, a bar, and a drag queen,” she replies, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

“I’m sure there are tons of drag queens who go to that bar,” Vilde says, frowning as she concentrates. “But do you think that Isak would know what you’re talking about?”

“I think so.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t ask him right now,” Elias suggests, shaking Sana’s shoulder slightly, as she has begun to nod off. “I think Sana’s had enough for now.”

“I’ll help take her home,” Yousef volunteers, a little too quickly. He trains his eyes on his friends, and then lets out a nervous chuckle. “I mean, if you’d like, that is.”

“Okay,” Sana whispers, and Yousef smiles widely, meeting her gaze.

Behind them, Even hears some fake gagging, but he simply smiles.

“Take Sana home,” Even says, placing his weight on his hands in order to heave himself into a standing position once more. “I’m going to talk to Isak. If anyone wants to join me, you’re more than welcome.”

“I’ll come,” Mikael says right away, his gaze sharp. “I’d like to talk to Isak again.”

“Me too,” Vilde offers, standing up once more. 

“Okay, anyone else?” Even asks, looking at his friends, and to Elias and Yousef, who are helping Sana stand back up again. 

“Nah,” Mutta says, trudging on over to help Sana as well. “I think I’ll help Sana get home as well. Just let me know what happens?”

“Of course,” Even promises, and then turns to Adam, who is staring at Mikael. “Adam?”

“Sure, I’ll come with you, Even,” Adam shrugs, speaking a little too fast, almost as if nervous. Even makes a mental note to talk to him privately later. 

“One more thing,” Sana pipes up, her voice soft and quiet, however, gaining the attention of everyone quickly. “I don’t know what this means, Even. But I think that I can bring Isak back.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow?” Even offers, walking over to his friend with his arms outstretched. Sana takes it in stride, hugging Even gently. 

“Yes, I’ll let you know when I’m finished school,” she whispers, and Even rubs her back gently as they part.

“Sounds good,” Even smiles. Sana smiles back, tiredly. 

Vilde reaches out beside him to hug her friend, wrapping her arms around Sana tightly.

“Take care, Sana,” she whispers, nuzzling her nose into the fabric of Sana’s hijab. 

“You too,” Sana whispers back, and they part, nodding at each other with soft smiles, before pulling back from the embrace.

Even looks to the remainder of his friends, and turns to them fully. Behind him, he can hear Elias speaking gently to his sister, his voice becoming quieter and quieter as they fade into the background.

“Ready to go?”

“Let’s do it, man,” Mikael grins, slapping Even’s shoulder. “Let’s go get your man!”

“He’s not my man!”

In the pink sunset, bleeding into hues of orange and red, they walk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! <3  
> Also! I would love to hear your theories! About Sana, about Isak, about anything! Feel free to chat with me here or on my tumblr, I promise I don't bite!


	8. Don't Stop Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has a crush on Isak. He has a crush on a fucking ghost, what the fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhhhh..... hi  
> I apologize for the very long wait on this chapter uhhhhhhh.... IM REALLY SORRY IVE HAD HELLA WRITERS BLOCK ALSO PLANNING A TRIP TO BERLIN ALSO COMING OUT AS TRANS TO YOUR FAMILY IS REALLY HARD OK BUT ITS OKAY IM OKAY PLS ENJOY 4K OF IDEK IM SO SORRY   
> ahem  
> Big thank you to my loves [Wyo](http://julian-dahl.tumblr.com/) for helping me with plot, [Fee](https://isaksfailedgreentea.tumblr.com/) for helping me with Sana's character/religion, and [Mikki](http://skamfairy.tumblr.com/) for looking this over for me and for cheering me on. I love you guys <3  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> Love, Noah

“Hey, Isak,” Even murmurs into the stillness of his room. “You there?”

It takes a while this time. Perhaps it has something to do with how Vilde, who is sat across from Even, looks around the room, as if somehow expecting to see Isak stood in the corner. Perhaps, it’s the uneasy glances that Mikael and Adam give each other.

It makes sense, though. After Sana had passed out right on the sidewalk, the uneasiness had not left the air. Isak probably senses it too. 

However long it takes, Isak slowly begins to move the planchette. The four of them strain their necks to look at the words spelling out in front of them.

 

_ H-A-L-L-A _

 

“Hei, Isak!” Vilde chirps, not as bright as she normally would. “I hope it’s okay that we’re here.”

 

_ V-I-L-D-E _

 

“Yeah?”

 

_ M-I-S-S-E-D-Y-O-U _

 

As the words reveal themselves Vilde smiles, wide and uninhibited.

“I missed you too, Isak,” she says, meeting eyes with Even, who smiles at her.

“I also have Mikael and Adam here,” Even continues, training his gaze over to his other two friends.

“Halla, Isak,” Adam greets, in a way that he probably thinks is nonchalant, but in reality, sounds like he’s trying way too hard to sound casual.

“Isak,” Mikael says, as Even rolls his eyes. Mikael’s voice sounds like that dad that doesn’t let his daughter date men until she turns thirty-five, or something.

 

_ H-A-L-L-A _

 

“I was going to bring Sana and the others,” Even explains, biting his lip in apprehension. “But Sana had another flashback, did you know that?”

 

_ No _

 

“Really,” Mikael sneers, a little too defensively. “Because it had everything to do with you.”

“Mik,” Adam warns softly, placing his spare hand on Mikael’s forearm gently. 

 

_ C-A-N-T-L-E-A-V-E _

 

“You can’t leave the house?” Vilde guesses, looking over at Even sadly.

 

_ Yes _

 

“Well, Sana seemed to think that it was about you somehow,” Even explains gently, sending a warning glance Mikael’s way. “She saw a gay club? We’re thinking it’s called London Pub? Apparently, there was a drag queen there as well?”

 

_ Yes _

 

“You know about the club?” Even asks. “The drag queen?”

 

_ C-A-N-T-R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R _

 

Even’s heart sinks.

“You don’t remember anything?”

 

_ N-A-M-E _

 

“You can’t remember her name?” Mikael cuts in, the guarded, slightly hostile expression now replaced with genuine curiosity.

 

_ Yes _

 

“That’s okay,” Vilde says, her voice honey sweet. “We can research that anyways, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Do you remember anything else?” Adam asks, his expression mirroring Mikael’s.

 

_ S-H-E-K-N-E-W _

 

“She knew…” Even trails off for a second. “She knew that you were gay?”

 

_ Yes _

 

“I thought nobody knew that you were gay?” Mikael asks.

“One person knew that he was gay,” Even replies for Isak. “He’d told me that one person knew but that he didn’t know their name.”

 

_ Yes _

 

“How does London Pub tie into this then?” Vilde asks.

 

_ I-N-F-E-C-T-E-D _

 

“Infected…” Even racks his brain. “That’s where you got infected?”

“Infected?” Mikael repeats, his brows furrowed.

“Yeah, about that…”

 

_ H-I-V _

 

“You had HIV?” Adam raises his eyebrows high on his forehead, his mouth dropped open in shock. 

“Yeah,” Even says, biting his lip apprehensively, staying quiet unless Isak decides that he wants to explain. When the planchette does not move, Even continues, “He was infected with HIV when he was seventeen years old and this is the room that he died in.”

“Fuck,” Mikael twists his fingers together on his lap, not meeting anyone’s eyes. As someone who wasn’t a stranger to dating men, Even could tell just what Mikael was thinking.

“Yeah…” Vilde trails off, looks wistfully at the makeshift board, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “That’s why we need to help him in anyway that we can.”

Mikael stays silent for a minute. It echoes off the walls, surrounding Even in a thick, suffocating blanket. He realizes with a jolt that Isak has been feeling this exact same way for over twenty years.

“Well.” Mikael breaks the silence, startling Even out of his reverie. “In that case, I don’t think it would hurt to pay London Pub another visit, and maybe bring Sana with us.”

“Maybe that drag queen is still performing there?” Adam wonders quietly.

 

_ D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W _

 

“It’s a bit of a stretch,” Even shrugs, playing the Devil’s advocate for a second. “Who knows where this person is? They could have left the country or died for all we know.”

“Maybe,” Vilde says gently. “Or maybe, they’re still there. Or maybe, going to the pub will give Sana more information. Either way, I think we’re going to go nowhere if we don’t go to this pub.”

“I could take you and Sana,” Mikael offers, his voice still a little shaken. “I have a friend who works as a bartender there. If anyone’s going to know any of the performers that have been there the longest, it’s going to be them.”

“Can we go tomorrow?” Even asks, running his fingers through his slightly greasy hair. “I’m really tired.”

“I think we all are.” Adam’s voice is soft. Even lets out a noise of agreement.

“Good idea.” Vilde takes her fingers off the planchette, looking to Mikael and Adam. “Would someone be able to walk me home?”

“Of course,” Adam replies, nudging Mikael’s arm gently. “We’ll both walk you home.”

“Will you be okay?” Adam directs this towards Even.

“Yeah,” Even nods minutely, looking down at the unmoving planchette. “I wanna talk to Isak some more.”

“Okay.” Mikael’s hand comes up to squeeze Even’s shoulder comfortingly. “Take care dude, we’ll text tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Even replies, patting Mikael’s hand gently. 

Adam sticks his hand out for their typical bro-shake, and Even follows along. Their eyes meet briefly, and they nod at each other.

“Have a good night, Even,” Vilde says next, leaning over to give Even a hug. Even hugs her back, rubbing his hand gently along her back.

“You too,” Even says as they pull apart. “Get home safe.”

“Will do.”

 

After a couple minutes, Even is surrounded by the silence again. He knows that he isn’t alone in the house. His mother and father are a few doors down, probably watching some late night TV. And of course, despite his radio silence (no pun intended), Isak is here as well.

The walls feels even thicker than they did before, closing in on his bedroom. Even finds himself breathing just a little bit heavier to compensate for the claustrophobia.

“Isak?” Even calls out into the stale air. “Please say something.”

 

_ S-O-R-R-Y _

Even doesn’t even need to put his fingers on the planchette anymore. The cardboard now moves on it’s own.

“It’s okay,” Even replies, letting out a heavy sigh. “You don’t need to apologize to me.”

 

_ S-O-R-R-Y _

 

Even barks out a laugh before he can help himself. It feels like a release of pressure, like the thick air is clearing a little bit.

“How was your day?” Even asks, keeping his tone decidedly light.

 

_ G-O-O-D _

 

“Was it?” Even chuckles darkly.

 

_ W-I-T-H-Y-O-U _

 

Even smiles, and his heart flutters. “You make my day better too,” he says shyly. “I always want to be with you.”

 

_ Yes _

 

“Yes,” Even snorts, and then with a jolt of realization, he curses Mikael, as well as any other deities out there.

Fuck.  _ Fuck.  _ He has a crush on Isak. He has a crush on a fucking ghost, what the fuck? He’s barely ever seen Isak, just a couple of grainy old photos.

Even supposes that’s the whole point of being pansexual anyways. You fall for the personality first.

 

_ E-V-E-N _

 

“Yes?” Even jolts out of his thoughts, his chest tightening like it used to when he had begun dating Sonja. 

 

_ T-A-K-K _

 

“No,  _ thank you.”  _ Even replies, sitting up. “Seriously. I’m so glad to have met you.”

 

_ R-H-A-P-S-O-D-Y _

 

“Rhapsody?” Even repeats, tilting his head quizzically. “Like Bohemian Rhapsody?”

 

_ No _

 

“Rhapsody…” Even grabs his phone and types the word into google.  _ “an effusively enthusiastic or ecstatic expression of feeling.”  _ He reads out the definition.

 

_ D-R-A-G _

 

“Wait a second,” Even says, his back now fully sat straight up. “That’s the drag queen’s name? Rhapsody?”

 

_ M-A-Y-B-E _

 

“What the fuck,” Even laughs out, unable to hide his elation. “I’ll take maybe over anything else. Isak, that’s amazing! You’re amazing!”

 

_ H-O-W _

 

“How are you amazing?” Even asks, chuckling to himself a little. “It’s just you, your personality. You’re so funny, and caring, and smart, and now I’m rambling and this is just getting embarrassing.”

The butterflies return. Even shuts his mouth before he can say anything else.

  
_ A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E _

 

“Oh my god,” Even says, placing his hands on his burning red face. He flops down onto his side, expelling all the air from his lungs as he does so. “You- I can’t-”

The radio bursts to life, and Even jumps at the sudden noise.

 

_ “Don’t stop me now, I’m having such a good time…” _

 

“You really love Queen, don’t you?” Even laughs, rolling over in his bed and grabbing his phone.

  
  
  


**To: Ghost Hunters INC.**

 

**Even:** _Gutter og Jenter, I have good news…_

**_Mikael:_ ** _ Why are you awake lmao _

 

**_Yousef:_ ** _ shush let the man speak _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Rhapsody. _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _huh?_

 

**_Even:_ ** _ That’s the name that Isak just gave me. Rhapsody. I’m not sure if it’s the full name, but he seems to remember it as the drag queen’s name. _

 

**_Mutta:_ ** _ YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO _

 

**_Mikael:_ ** _ I knew that my favourite lil ghosty had it in him _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ You literally hated him like two hours ago _

 

**_Mikael:_ ** _ Semantics _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _ ANYWAYS. What’s the plan then? _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ We’ll head over to London Pub tomorrow. Mikael has a friend who works there. Then, we’ll see if we can somehow track down this Rhapsody. _

 

**_Vilde:_ ** _ Can I come? Also tell Isak hi for me! _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Of course you can Vilde! And Isak says hello and that he can’t wait to see you again! _

 

**_Vilde:_ ** _ <3 _

 

**_Elias:_ ** _ Okay, sorry to break up the love fest and shit, but we need to be careful here. I don’t want my baby sister getting hurt again. _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _ I’ll be fine. _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Obviously I don’t want Sana getting hurt either, but Elias, I trust Sana, and you should too. _

 

**_Elias:_ ** _ I guess so. Just like, how do you even know that you can bring him back. Sana, you know that Islam doesn’t believe in reincarnation, right? _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _ Obviously I know that, dipshit. And quit texting me, we’re literally sitting in the same room. _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Uh… _

 

**_Adam:_ ** _ Lmao sibling war #4586745876 _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ lmao _

 

**_Elias:_ ** _ I know that. I’m saying this to the group chat. In Islam, once someone is dead, they are dead. You can’t bring them back. _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _ I have reason to believe that Isak isn’t exactly dead, at least, not completely. _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Are you saying that he’s alive? _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _ Not exactly, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. I’ll tell you what I know tomorrow. I’m really tired. _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Shit of course, sorry. _

 

**_Sana:_ ** _ It’s okay, Even. Goodnight to everyone <3 _

 

**_Vilde:_ ** _ Goodnight girly! _

 

**_Mutta:_ ** _ Goodnight! I’m going to tuck in as well. _

 

**_Even:_ ** _ Me too. I think it’s safe to say that we’re going to have a big day tomorrow. Goodnight everyone. _

 

**_Mikael:_ ** _ Night my pan bud/other allies! _

 

**_Vilde:_ ** _ Goodnight <3 _

 

**_Adam:_ ** _ Goodnight. _

 

**_Elias:_ ** _ Goodnight. Also, don’t fuck up my sister. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


When Even wakes up, it’s in increments. He no longer feels like the walls are closing in on him. Instead, light beams in through the window. Typically, on an early summer morning, the sunlight shining on Even’s face and blanketed form would be much too warm, but today, it was just enough.

“Good morning,” Even calls out in a rasp to Isak, looking down to the floor beside his bed, where the Ouija is resting.

 

_ M-O-R-N-I-N-G _

 

“Do you even sleep anymore?” Even wonders, and then curses himself for allowing his sleep ridden brain for blurting out something so stupid. “I mean, obviously not because you don’t have a physical body or anything, just like… Yeah, I don’t know.”

 

_ H-A-H-A _

 

“Don’t laugh at me,” Even whines, flopping over to lie back down. “I’m stupid when I wake up.”

 

_ “Cute.” _

 

The radio fizzes out, and Even blushes. 

“Okay,” Even says, and then with a heave, sits back up and leans the edge of the bed in order to grab the Ouija board. He puts it on his lap, and then crosses his legs in order to settle himself a little bit more.

As the planchette begins moving on its own, Even looks down at the words that are being spelled out.

 

_ B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y _

 

“Birthday?” Even racks his tired mind for a moment. “No, my birthday is in- oh.  _ Oh.  _ Wait, what the hell, today’s your birthday?”

 

_ J-U-N-E-2-1 _

 

“Happy Birthday!” Even exclais just as Isak is finishing up. “Holy shit, we need to celebrate!”

 

_ P-A-R-T-Y _

 

“I can’t imagine a party would be something that you’re into,” Even says, tapping his fingers on the board.

 

_ H-A-H-A _

 

“Tell you what,” Even continues, a little more nervously now. “I’m meeting up with Sana and Vilde later tonight and we’re going to London Pub together to see if we can pay this  _ Rhapsody  _ a visit. How do you feel about that?”

 

_ S-A-V-E-M-E _

 

Just like that, Even’s heart falls into his stomach.

“We’re going to try, Isak,” Even whispers into the air. “We’re going to try.”

  
  
  


**From: Lea Valtersen**

_ Hei Even! I know it’s your night off tonight, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m thinking about you and Isak right now. If you didn’t know, today’s his birthday. I haven’t celebrated it with him in a long time, and I suppose it’s not the same. Will you please tell him happy birthday from me? And also that I love him? _

 

**To: Lea Valtersen**

_ Hei Lea! He’s told me! And yes, of course I will let him know! I’m trying to get more info about Isak tonight, but I don’t know much about it. I’ll keep you updated though! _

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Are you even sure you’ll be able to get Sana and Vilde into this club?” Even asks Mikael as they’re all walking together that night, as probably the strangest ensemble ever. He and Mikael take up the front, dressed up casually, but not too casually. Sana and Vilde take up the back, two underage girls dressed to the nines; dark eyeshadow, red lipstick, the works. Today, Sana is wearing a black hijab lined with silver gems on the front. 

No matter how pretty they both look, they probably won’t make it past the bouncer.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mikael shrugs, waving his hands around in the warm summer air. “Nils will let us in through the back door, he doesn’t really care.”

“Nils?” Even asks as Vilde asks, “The back door?”

“Yeah.” Mikael effectively answers both their questions. “What about it?”

“Nils is letting you in through the back door?” Vilde giggles, and then nudges Sana, who looks at Even in confusion.

“How else would he do it?” Mikael asks, fully coming to a stop to fully look at Vilde. “You two are underage, you can’t just go-”

“No! I mean that’s fine and all.” Vilde takes a deep breath to compose herself, but ultimately fails and begins giggling again. “Just like, isn’t that a little gay?”

Sana looks to Vilde, and then to Even, and then she snorts.

“Well, of course it’s gay,” Mikael reasons, albeit confusedly. “It’s a gay club? What else-”

“Dude,” Even interrupts, unable to keep in his own snort of laughter. “Don’t even worry about it, she was just joking.”

“Okay?”

Even winks at Vilde, who is still giggling at him, and then continues walking.

“Guys, I really don’t get what you’re talking about!”

  
  
  
  
  


“Oh hei, Mikael,” says the man who opens the door, Nils, according to Mikael. He is adorned head to toe in rainbow attire, from the rainbow flower crown, all the way down to the tutu.

“Hei, Nils,” Mikael says casually, as if he’s done this a hundred times. “Any room for four?”

Nils pulls back and take in Vilde and Sana. Both girls, who are both very mature and wonderful women, still probably don’t quite look 18. Vilde shuffles nervously next to Even.

“This is my buddy, Even,” Mikael says, patting Even clothed shoulder. Even shoots Nils a shy wave. “He’s really cool and very pansexual.”

“Ooh,” Nils comments, as he looks Even up and down. Even can’t help the blush on his cheeks. Not because he’s embarrassed, but because he’s so open in front of a complete stranger. It’s exhilarating, in a way.

“This is Vilde,” Mikael introduces, motioning over to the blonde as she gives Nils a smile. “She’s very adorable and- wait a second, Vilde, you like girls, right?”

“Uh-”

“We’ll take that as a maybe, either way, she’s awesome. Oh yeah, and this is Sana! She’s basically my sister.”

Sana waves to Nils with an unreadable expression.

“Oh, alright!” Nils exclaims, opening the door wider and stepping back so that they can enter. “You kids can come in! I wouldn’t order any drinks though, you might get ID’ed. Oh! And we have some drag queens performing tonight, you really don’t want to miss them!”

“Drag queens?” Even asks as he steps into what appears to be a supply room. 

“You like?” Nils waggles his brows up and down.

“Yeah!” Even exclaims, trying (and possibly failing) to match Nils’ enthusiasm. “I love them! Do you know who’s performing tonight?”

“Let’s see,” Nils says, adjusting his flower crown as he thinks for a moment. “We have some of the newer girls up first, I think like a RuPaul impersonator and some other girls. And then let’s see, we have Charmaine Rose, who does an amazing Madonna impersonation, and then last, we have Cher! Honestly, I think she’s my favourite-”

“Cher?” Sana interrupts, her brows furrowed. “She’s not a drag queen?”

“No, no,” Nils says, rolling his eyes over at Even, as if to say,  _ can you believe this girl?  _ “She’s another queen. Her name is Cher Rhapsody, she’s been performing here since like, the nineties, or something. I think she knows just about every gay person in Oslo-”

“Cher Rhapsody?” Even interrupts, feeling a rush go through his body. “She’s-”

“I know, right?” Nils enthuses. He carries on with his ramblings, but Even isn’t paying attention to that anymore. He’s staring right at Sana, who’s giving Even an excited, albeit nervous look.

“Anyways!” Mikael interrupts, a mischievous glint in his eye. “We should probably get out there, you know, go see the queens.”

“Of course!” Nils says, bouncing up and down with way too much energy. “I need to get back to work anyways. Mikael, let me know if you need anything else, and have fun, kids!”

“Even,” Vilde says, tugging on his jean jacket as she bounces on the balls of her feet.  _ “Even.” _

“I know,” Even replies, just as excitedly.

“You think that’s who we’re looking for?” Mikael wonders.

“Only one way to find out,” Sana retorts as she pushes her way through to the door. The bass from the music pours through, no matter how muffled. “Besides, I have a good feeling about tonight.”

With that, Sana opens the door, and she plunges herself into the neon lights.

Even can’t say that he particularly enjoys being on the dance floor as much as Vilde and Mikael do. There’s a drag queen up onstage, doing some half-strange, half-mind blowing moves that Even couldn’t even attempt with all of his limbs intact. Vilde and Mikael however, dance to their own beat, their laughs almost inaudible within the loud music.

Even can tell that Sana isn’t as comfortable, but she smiles at her friend and sways with the music nevertheless. Although she appears to be having fun, she never stops side-eyeing the stage, as if expecting something extraordinary to happen.

“Sana!” Even calls into Sana’s ear as he bends down to somewhat mimic her height. Sana pulls back and looks at Even. They really can’t hear each other right now, but he figures that she can understand the look in his eyes. She nods her head over to a couple empty seats over by the bar, and Even smiles at her in relief.

Even leads the way, probably because he is so tall that he can see over the mass of dancing heads. Sana grabs onto the loose fabric of his jacket as he guides her, so as to not get lost.

When they settle down and sit on the stools, they turn so that they can look out onto the stage.

“It’s his birthday,” Sana says into Even’s ear. 

Even nods in confirmation. At this point, he’s learned not to even question Sana when she tends to just  _ know  _ things. She’s always been this way. The only difference now, was that there was a supernatural component to it. Honestly, what even  _ was  _ Even’s life anymore?

“You okay?” Even asks into her ear, loud enough so that she can hear him.

“Yeah,” she shouts back, never taking her eyes off the stage. “I’m just a little nervous.”

“About what?”

“What if…” Sana turns to Even, her eyes suddenly sad. “What if I can’t save him? I have no idea what I’m doing?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Even shouts, feeling his throat protest a little bit, but he needs to make sure that Sana is hearing him. “None of us do, but you’re the closest link that we have to seeing Isak. Besides, you’re like my little sister, Sana. I’d never abandon you for something like this. I’d never get mad because you weren’t able to bring him back-”

_ “Does he love me, I want to know,” _

Sana turns her head to the new voice onstage, completely abandoning their conversation. When Even follows her gaze, there is a new drag queen onstage. She looks like- well, she looks like  _ Cher. _

_ “How can I tell if he loves me so?” _

“Is that her?” Even shouts to Sana’s unblinking, unwavering form.

Sana nods minutely, not taking her eyes off the performer onstage.

Boy, has she really gone all out. She’s wearing a floor-length gown, long black wig (or at least, Even can assume), and her contouring her scarily accurate. Seriously, if it weren’t for the more-masculine-than-Cher voice coming out of this person, Even would have assumed her to be the actual celebrity herself. It was scarily uncanny.

The crowd however, did not have the same sentiments as Even. The crowd went wild, singing along to every single word without fail.  _ ( _ _ If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss!) _

The performance itself is a literal blur to Even. The neon lights in the club cloud his vision, make him dizzy with the sharp nodes of dry ice and sweat, with the stifled air that makes sweat bead on his forehead. He thinks of Isak, probably about sixteen years old, in this same club, perhaps even sat on the same  _ chair.  _

The man who infected him; was he at least nice? Did he buy Isak a drink first? Was he aware that he was HIV positive, or was he unknowingly spreading it around the club to unsuspecting boys, still in the closet? Did Isak even learn his name? 

Was Isak aware that exploring his sexuality, the aspect about him that was supposed to make him proud of himself, was actually going to kill him?

“Even!” Sana shouts into his ear.

Even startles into reality. The music has stopped, but the clapping has not. Cher retreats off-stage.

Sana motions for him to follow.

Even jumps off his chair and follows the girl in front of him, who is moving quickly, as if every single square inch of the building is like a second home to her.

She leads Even to another back room, one that he’s definitely never been to before, and to his knowledge, Sana had never been there before either, until now.

She slams a desperate fist onto the door, uncaring of the noise that she makes, especially because he’s certain that they’re not allowed to be back here.

“Eskild, open up!” She cries out, unrelenting on her pounding.

“Sana!” Even hisses, glancing around them nervously. “Shush!”

“I know what I’m doing, Even,” she hisses back, turning to look at Even quickly. When he sees the determination fierce in her eyes, he relents.

“I’m coming!  _ Herregud!”  _ Calls out a faint voice from behind the door, before it swings open.

“Oh, hi Sana,” says the man, or rather, the remaining smudges and traces of Cher’s makeup. Or, according to Sana, his name is Eskild. 

He leans against the door frame casually, taking in Even’s form behind Sana, looking him up and down, before turning back to Sana.

“Got another one for me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls come [chat](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/)  
> also we dont talk about the fact that i missed isaks bday shhhhhhhh


	9. I'll Never Hurt You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even would like to think that it’s simply from the cramped bodies and stifled breaths that come with any club, but he knows that it’s more than that. It has to do with Eskild, and his supposed connection to Sana. It has to do with the fact that Even is in way over his head, truly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi peeps!  
> Sorry for the wait! I'm hella busy and your boy is leaving for Berlin THIS SUNDAY HOLY SHIT IM SO EXCITED   
> In the meantime, please enjoy this short little update, and thank you for all your continued support <3  
> -Noah
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter title comes from "Yes" by Demi Lovato (bc im trash for her)

“So, this is Even,” Sana introduces, not beating around the bush as she makes her way into Eskild’s dressing room.

“Hei, Even,” Eskild says, holding his hand out for Even to shake. “I’m Eskild, but you probably know me as Cher, right? Oh! Your hand is so soft! So soft for such a-”

“Thank you, Eskild,” Sana interrupts, as she takes a seat onto the couch.

“Right!” Eskild says, winking at Even as their hands let go. “Sorry Sana, what can I do for you this time?”

“This time?” Even wonders, albeit reluctantly. He isn’t even sure that he wants to know at this point.

“I got a direct connection to you,” Sana explains, and in terms of explanations, that’s probably the worst one that Even has ever heard. “I got visions of you in this pub, I’m guessing sometime in the early nineties-”

“Another lost baby gay?” Eskild sighs, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table in front of Sana. For once, the age seems to wear him down, despite the layers of makeup on his face.

“I think so,” Sana replies, and then seemingly runs out of things to say because she motions to Even.

“It started when I moved into my new house,” Even starts hesitantly, looking to Sana, who nods at him encouragingly. “No one had lived there for about twenty years, and so I got this really strange vibe from it. Not like it was really haunted, or anything, but more like it was-”

“Lonely?” Eskild guesses.

“Lonely,” Even confirms, slouching back against the back of the couch. “And I had some friends over one night, one of them being Sana’s brother, and we decided to fuck around and play with a Ouija board. Someone actually answered, and it wasn’t like a demon or some shit, it was just a teenage boy who wanted a friend. Uh, a lot of shit happened, and somehow we’re here. But Isak- that’s his name by the way. He seems to have some sort of connection to you. He gave us your name.”

“Isak…” Eskild looks up to the ceiling, as if trying to remember. “That name doesn’t ring a bell. Do you know around what year I would’ve met him?”

“He died in 1995,” Even reasons, biting his lip. “So maybe around then, maybe ‘94?”

“I have his picture,” Sana interrupts, reaching into her small clutch that she’d been carrying around with her. She pulls out the small rectangular picture, the one that Even had given her of Isak and Jonas as young teenagers, and hands it over to Eskild.

“He’s the blonde one,” Even explains.

“Listen, guys…” Eskild says, shaking his head slowly. “I meet a lot of gay people in Oslo everyday. Usually the younger ones look up to me and come to me for advice. My point is, there are a lot of white, blonde guys in Norway, I’m not sure if-”

“He says that you were the only one that knew that he was gay,” Even interrupts, almost desperately. “He came to this pub when he was probably about sixteen years old, scared, and in the closet. This pub was where he was encouraged to express himself for the first time, ever.”

Eskild stares at the picture in deep concentration. “I… I told him to not be afraid of himself,”  he says slowly, his eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. “He told me that he liked boys, but that he wasn’t  _ gay _ like me. I told him that the people who were  _ gay  _ like me had spent years having to fight for who they were. They’d faced years of harassment and hate just because of the people that they fell in love with. As much as I just,  _ wanted  _ to go off on this kid, I just couldn’t. I could see how terrified he was. Instead of getting mad at him, I told him that this was who he was. He was gay, and he could be whoever the fuck he wanted to be. He could be a Cher impersonator, he could be a heavy-duty mechanic, and that still wouldn’t change. I think I said something that got to him too, because I swear to God he was crying after I’d said that. I’d never seen someone look so relieved. After that, I never saw him again.”

“Fuck,” Even swears, training his gaze on the ceiling in order to keep his tears in. Next to him, a lone tear trails down Sana’s cheek.

“How did he die?” Eskild asks. Even’s heart falls to the ground and shatters.

“He died not too long after, when he was seventeen,” Even starts, finding himself unable to swallow the lump in his throat. “He’d met someone at this pub, hooked up with them, and uh- not too long afterwards, he started getting really sick-”

“Fuck!” Eskild shouts as he stands up from the ledge of the coffee table, and begins pacing around the room. “I lost too many of my fucking friends to HIV, please don’t tell me…”

“I’m sorry,” Even whispers, the tear finally falling down his cheek.

“This is all my fault,” Eskild says, almost more to himself than to Even or Sana. “I should’ve told him to be safe.  _ Of course  _ he wouldn’t know to use condoms if he was too sheltered and in the closet…”

“It’s  _ not  _ your fault, Eskild,” Sana says, sharp enough for Eskild to raise his head once more. “The only blame I put on anyone is on his parents, because they refused him treatment. But him being infected, we can’t point fingers at anyone, okay? It doesn’t help anything right now.”

“How can I help?” Eskild replies, his gaze almost pleading. “That’s why you’re here, right? You want my help so that we can bring him back?”

“I think I can bring him back,” Sana reasons, tilting her head quizzically. “I think we need to find the place that feels the safest to him. Right now, you and Even are the closest links that I have to that. Once we have Isak in a safe frame of mind, then I can communicate with Thanatos.”

Eskild nods as if this makes perfect sense, but Even turns his head to stare at Sana.

“So you  _ do  _ know Thanatos?” Even asks, and Sana flinches, as if she realizes what she’s just said.

“Even,” she pleads, shaking her head helplessly. “I promise to you that these things are happening at a rate that I don’t even understand. I’m literally having blackouts and visions here, like, you’re witnessing everything. I’m not keeping anything from you, because I only ever figure this stuff out when you do.”

“Yeah, Even, don’t take it personally,” Eskild explains, his voice somehow calm. “This happens every time Sana comes to me. One time I saw her in the street, said hi, and I think I just about scared her pants off. She never seems to remember what she does, but this girl does some amazing things, I promise you. You just need to let them happen.”

“Let it happen…” Even repeats, nodding to himself. “Okay, but let me know when anything new comes up?”

“You’ll be the first,” Sana promises, her voice steady.

  
  
  
  


Even exchanges numbers with Eskild, with the promise that he’ll send updates about Isak whenever  _ anything  _ happens. Even can’t say that he’s particularly adverse to this, especially when they’re so close to, well, something spectacular.

  
  
  


After dropping his friends off, Even decides to walk home. He revels in the slight breeze of the summer air against his hot and sweaty face. Even would like to think that it’s simply from the cramped bodies and stifled breaths that come with any club, but he knows that it’s more than that. It has to do with Eskild, and his supposed connection to Sana. It has to do with the fact that Even is in way over his head, truly.

When he arrives home, he doesn’t even know what to say to Isak. Isak, who must’ve been waiting patiently for Even to come back, on his  _ birthday, _ hoping for whatever news that could possibly stem from this. Although Even supposes that Isak probably hasn’t gotten his hopes up in a very long time, he figures that now is the appropriate time to do just that.

No matter how confusing it may seem, they actually have hope. They have Sana.

  
  
  
  


“Isak?” Even calls out into the darkness of his room, Ouija board placed upon his lap.

When the planchette flies right to  _ “Yes,”  _ Even can just tell that Isak has been waiting on the edge of his seat all night.

“I met Cher Rhapsody,” Even explains, feeling his chest start to untighten. He isn’t sure whether he can contribute that to his own stress, or to Isak’s. “His real name is Eskild, and something kind of great happened.”

 

_ Yes _

 

“He remembered you, after I reminded him of the circumstances of how you met,” Even continues, figuring that Isak probably doesn’t want to take too long to spell things out right away. “And he also remembered Sana. I guess they’re friends? Did you know that?”

 

_ No _

 

“Okay, well,” Even continues, swallowing down the nervous lump in his throat. “So, basically, Sana told me that she  _ ‘needs to talk to Thanatos,’  _ whatever that means, but she thinks that she can bring you back. What do you think about that?”

 

_ A-L-I-V-E _

 

“Yeah, Isak,” Even replies, unable to stop the smile that appears on his face. “You’ll be alive again.”

 

_ P-L-E-A-S-E _

 

“Please,” Even repeats, letting out a choked laugh. “I really want to meet you face to face.”

 

_ M-E-T-O-O _

 

“Sana says that we have to get you safe,” Even says, shaking his head in attempts to clear the butterflies from his stomach. “Once we get you feeling safe then she can do her thing, I guess.”

 

_ I-A-M-S-A-F-E _

 

“Isak,” Even breathes, placing his hand on his heart, as if it will stop it from hurting any less. “I don’t think that’s what she meant, because right now she isn’t able to bring you back. Is there any place or thing that has really good memories attached to them?”

 

_ Y-O-U _

 

“Anywhere else?” Even stutters out. “From when you were alive?”

 

_ A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E-B-U-T-H-E-R-E _

 

“Then we gotta get you out of here,” Even replies, his voice firm.

 

_ D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W _

 

“You don’t know how, I know,” Even says, reaching into his pocket to grab his phone. “But we’re going to try anyways.”

  
  
  
  
  


**To: Sana Banana**

_ Hei. I know that you’re probably sleeping right now, but I just need to tell you this anyways. We need to get Isak out of this house. I understand that his spirit is really attached to his house, but I don’t think that we can bring him back if he’s still stuck in here. Do you have any ideas? _

 

**From: Sana Banana**

_ Hei, Even. I have an idea, but I’m not sure how well it will work. I think that we need to summon him. I’ll explain everything tomorrow. _

  
  
  


 

 

“How do we summon him?” Is the very first thing that Even asks Sana when they meet up for coffee the next day.

“Calm down, Even,” Sana muses, blowing on her hot tea.

“Yeah, Even,” Vilde pouts next to Sana. “You didn’t even hug me.”

“Fuck, sorry Vilde,” Even sighs, standing up to give her a warm hug. He rubs his hand on her back before they break apart. “It’s always good to see you.”

“You too, Even!” Vilde exclaims as she sits down next to Sana, seemingly having forgotten about being grumpy.

“Anyways,” Sana starts, finally putting down her tea and looking at Even. “So, I managed to get into contact with Thanatos last night. He’s got Isak on his radar, so we’re good on that front. I think you’re right, Even, we need to get Isak out of his house. I don’t think I’ll be able to bring him back if he’s in a place with such bad associations attached to it.”

“What’s Thanatos like?” Vilde wonders, tilting her head in confusion.

“He’s…” Sana chuckles to herself. “He’s hard to reach, a little standoffish, but he’s not mean. He’s just a busy dude, you know? But he always takes me seriously whenever I contact him.”

“Whenever…”

Even cuts Vilde off by shaking his head violently, mouthing a quick  _ no,  _ in her direction.

“But yeah,” Sana continues as if she hadn’t been interrupted. “I think that I have a way to summon him. We need to have a place where he’d want to come, like, somewhere that would have a strong enough emotional connection to him that it would get him out of the house. Any ideas?”

“He didn’t say that he had any place specific in mind,” Even says, gently, trying to explain as much as he can to poor Vilde, who appears very confused. “He just told me,  _ anywhere but here.” _

“What if we got Jonas and Lea to join us?” Vilde suggests slowly. “Sometimes home isn’t a place, it’s a person.”

“Yes!” Sana exclaims, slapping her hand on the table, alerting the attention of the neighbouring table and its occupants, but she pays them no mind. Even shoots them an apologetic glance. “You’re brilliant, Sana! We’ll get all the people together; Jonas, Lea, Eskild, and Even. Those are the most important people to him, he’d care way more about that, right?”

“I’m only going to do it if you two are there as well,” Even replies, addressing both of the girls. “He would want you there too.”

“Thanks, Even,” Vilde smiles. Even smiles back.

“Okay, then that’s a plan,” Sana says, rubbing her hands together. “Let’s talk to both Lea and Jonas, and I’ll call Eskild and tell him the plan. Maybe we can all meet up at Eskild’s apartment?”

“Just let me know when and where,” Even promises.

“I’ll be there,” Vilde says. Even doesn’t think he’s ever seen her look so serious.

“Okay, then it’s a plan.” Sana takes her phone out of her pocket. “Let’s get your man back.”

“I ship it!” Vilde squeals, and just like that, the serious tone of the conversation is gone in an instant.

“Okay, okay,” Even concedes, holding his hands up. “I may have a massive crush on him. But that’s not why I’m doing this.”

“We know,” Sana replies, reaching out and placing her hand on Even’s arm. “We just want you to be happy, you know?”

“I am,” Even replies, and then corrects himself. “I will be. I promise.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conspiracies? Theories? Pls let me know I WANNA CONSPIRE WITH YOU ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I LOVE YOU

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come hang out with me [here.](https://unendeligtid.tumblr.com/)


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